Walking back home // Noco

Once more to see you 18

"Come inside and be with me, alone with me.."

9/12

Entry no. ???

These last few weeks have been hard. I can't put it into words, knowing that I'm leaving soon. I don't want Cody to worry one bit. I don't want Izzy, Eva, and Owen to worry even. I've been pushing them away. I don't know why. I just have to. I miss Cody. I'm finally a senior as I'm writing this. Time is a messed up concept everyone chooses to believe in. I for one didn't care about the past, present, or future. Cody just made it look so... Easy. I can't even cry because I know I've wanted this from the start. I wanted to move and grow closer to my family. I wanted to be in on their little secrets, know how their day was, and just know that they're there. It's difficult expressing how sad, how mad, or how happy I am because the truth is, I can't feel anything. I feel numb.

9/13

Entry no. I gave up.

I wanted to try and write some poetry because Cody is so good at it.

Loving felt like drowning.

It was difficult to breathe it in.

It was noxious.

Finding a new definition to that love was somewhat like breathing.

I could breathe it in.

I was free.

I held that close to my heart.

It was my little life source.

Leading me.

Slowly but surely,

It was being taken away from me.

Loving used to feel like breathing.

The fresh breeze coming into my lungs.

Wow, I suck!!!!

Reminder: Never write poetry again.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of me and Emma breaking up.

9/14

I didn't bother writing in what entry number this is.

I'm so tired.

I'm tired.

So tired.

9/15

9/16

Never going to school again.

I haven't even been to school ever since the call.

Good night.

9/17

Nova has been good.

Nova is amazing.

I love my dog.

I started listening to The Beatles. They're actually pretty good. I know, they're really popular apparently but I've been living under a rock. It's whatever, though. I only told Owen that I was moving on the phone. I told him to keep it a secret from Cody. I'm taking a train ride to Vancouver.

I guess this is where I really start a new chapter in life. Corny, I know. But it's the truth. The veracity of this situation. I have no say in it. I shouldn't bother, either.

I started talking to Cody on this exact date.

Wow, I'll miss him. I miss him more than Emma.

Why am I crying?