A Love Match

3 - Sophie

"He sent flowers again, together with your favourite sweets," Violet said knowingly, but I didn't even look up from the Gothic novel I was reading.

"He used to do that a lot when he was courting you," she prompted again, so I sighed and closed my book. It's been a little over a week since the ball and I've mostly been sitting in my room, suffering the nausea and vertigo and sleeping away entire days. Today was the first day I got dressed and made it down to the drawing room, which my sister interpreted as her chance to pounce.

"Violet, I don't want to think about or discuss the days of Nicholas courting me. My marriage is apparently not what I had thought it was. I'd told him time and time again while he was courting me that I was not interested in a conventional Ton marriage, I wanted what you and Jonathan have," I couldn't bear to look at her, afraid I'd see pity in her eyes. She, after all, had the perfect, loving, caring husband who would never sneak off for a tryst with someone else.

"I will not tell you the things Mother would tell you, I am sure you can already imagine what those are. I will also not lecture you on the position of women in our society, since you know as well as I do that there is nothing you can do about his betrayal. It just hurts me to see you like this and I wish I could help you somehow," she sniffed and I could feel my own tears brewing.

"I am completely lost, Violet, torn between sadness and anger. How can we move forward as husband and wife now, how can we have this child? I will not share his bed and tolerate him sneaking around with his mistress, I don't care what society says," I was sure my face reflected my absolute devastation, because Violet got on her knees in front of the settee I was on.

"No, my darling girl, we will find a way, we will think of something," she gently stroked my back while I cried and cried for the loss of my girlhood dreams of a loving marriage. I cried out my anger and frustration until I was completely spent, after which Violet lead me back to my room, where I promptly fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The following days brought slight relief in terms of my health and strength, but I still spent nights sitting upright in my bed, mentally going over every moment I had spent with Nicholas, wondering whether I had missed something, wondering why he felt so unhappy that he had to start meeting his mistress only six months into our marriage. I was inexperienced, yes, but that was expected of me as a lady. Nicholas seemed enthusiastic and eager about learning about my body and teaching me about his, starting with the first night we ever spent together.

He slowly unbuttoned my elaborate nightgown and undid my braids with a look of gentle awe in his eyes. He touched me everywhere until I was squirming and felt like something inside me was going to burst forth.

He kept peppering me with kisses and whispering sweet things into my ear:

"Sophie, my beautiful darling, you are so exquisite."

"Do you like this, my sweet girl?"

"Wrap your legs around my waist, yes, like that"

I kept blushing but also felt myself blossoming under his attention, our physical union confirming what my heart already knew, that this man was the one for me, the one to love and honour and cherish and live out the rest of my days with.

As was customary, we had separate but adjoining bedrooms, so the husband could visit the wife whenever he felt like it, but after that first night, Nicholas would spend every night in my bed until morning. We would close the curtains on our canopy bed and normally wake up only after the maid had already lit the fire. Some mornings, Nicholas would lazily start stroking and kissing me while the maid was still in the room, his mischievous grin telling me I better be quiet.