A Love Match

9 - Sophie

When I made my way downstairs bright and early the next morning, Nicholas was already sitting at the breakfast table, his eyes eagerly taking me in when I entered the dining room. He stood and gave me his loveliest smile,which I primly ignored, only muttering a "good morning, Your Grace" because there were servants present. He continued watching me like a hawk while I filled my plate, looking at it as if he was trying to commit my eating habits to memory. Luckily, other family members soon trickled in so I was not forced to engage in too much conversation with him. I kept examining my feelings to pull myself from the confusion into which my husband's behaviour had thrust me and I could honestly say that at this point I was not angry with him, I was more... wary of his motives and intentions.

"Sophie, dear,will you help me with the new curtains for the drawing room after breakfast?" My mother's voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Sorry maman, I was planning on taking my walk immediately after breakfast. Perhaps after that?"

She frowned slightly but didn't manage to respond verbally, because Nicholas spoke up:

"What an excellent idea! I think I will join my wife on her walk this morning."

I was not sure whether Nicholas proposed it to stop my mother from coercing me into helping with the curtains right this instant when she envisioned it happening, or whether he truly wanted to accompany me, but I gave hima small smile and a "of course, Your Grace," to which my mother's eyebrows shot up impossibly high. She'd never heard me be that polite to my own husband and instead of being happy, she looked suspicious. I couldn't be bothered to worry about her as well.

Thanks to Nicholas' height, it was very difficult for me to outpace him during our walk, so we remained side by side for most of it, his arm brushing mine whenever the garden path narrowed. He stayed behind once, only to catch up to me and wordlessly offer me a sprig of sage flowers. He knew I loved their smell very much and I blushed at the thoughtful gesture, bringing the flowers to my face and inhaling with my eyes closed.

"I missed you very much, Sophie," he said in that quiet, deep voice of his when I opened my eyes again, somehow closer to me than a moment ago. Seeing my confusion and hesitation, he added: "You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know," before continuing our walk like nothing had happened. At lunch and dinner he kept his gaze on me even while conversing with others, and again I got the impression he was fixating on what I ate, not that I paid any attention to him. My mother's plans for the garden have never been so interesting before.

The next morning I discovered another piece of paper on my floor.

Dearest Sophie,

I hate that that vile woman's mouth was on mine at all, but I hate the fact that hers was the last mouth that kissed mine even more. I hate it more than words can describe.

I am also deeply ashamed and angry with myself whenever I remember that incident. You were right, I never should have followed her outside. It is something I will regret to my dying day.

I am taking full responsibility for my misdeeds, but it is extremely important to me that you know and acknowledge that my intention was not to harm you or our marriage in any way. Not that it really matters now, since I so greatly succeeded in doing both. I can only hope that one day you will forgive me for it.

Your remorseful husband,

N.

When I came downstairs, he wasn't at the breakfast table and I ignored the tiny pang of disappointment I felt in my heart. It was better for me to get used to spending time apart, after all I would be leaving for Ashbury soon. Nicholas always had many business affairs to take care of in London and with the state of our marriage as it was, I could not see us spending many happy days in the manor.