Lost in Translation

Chapter 21: Shattered

———Anthony———

Sunday, May 26th, 2019

I shut the door as Ben got in his truck and stood there silently as my brain went into overdrive. My blood was rushing in my ears. This whole thing was a huge mistake. It had gone way too far... I should never have come home.

I turned on the spot and briskly walked up the stairs. It felt like I was watching myself from afar or like it wasn't my body. I pushed into the bedroom and threw my suitcase on the bed without saying anything to James.

"Have a good na— Anthony? Anthony... Anthony!" James said as I started throwing things haphazardly into my suitcase. He grabbed me by the arm and spun me around.

"Don't touch me," I snarled and yanked my arm back. My skin was crawling, and I needed to get out of here. My chest heaved with heavy breaths as I balled my fists.

"Fine, but you have to tell me what the fuck is going on. What are you doing?" he asked, sounding equal parts worried and confused.

"Leaving," I said flatly as I turned on the spot and resumed throwing stuff in my bag haphazardly.

"What do you mean leaving?" James said incredulously. "What about Darius and Kat... what about Ben?"

"I can't do this. Darius and Kat will be fine. Ben... Ben will be better off," I said. There was no emotion in my voice. In the back of my head, I knew walking out right now would be wrong–that it would hurt him–but it didn't seem as important as getting out of the corner I was backed into.

"Ant, you know that's not true," James said as he tried to circle around to get me to look at him. I turned away and started gathering stuff from the other side of the room, and James made a noise of frustration.

"Ant, Anthony... stop and look at me, please. What the hell is going on?" James pleaded. "You were just snuggling with him on the couch. What happened?" I slammed my hands down on my suitcase and wheeled to face him.

"Nothing happened," I snapped. "And it is true. Ben will be better off. I should have rejected him the day he sensed me. I should go now before things get any worse. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Now, get out of my fucking way." I grabbed my suitcase and tried to push past James, but he blocked me with a surprising amount of force.

"Uh-uh, no way I am letting you drive this late, alone, and obviously having some kind of crisis," James said. I scowled at him and tried to push past him again, but he easily stopped me.

"James," I said, my voice cracking in desperation. "Please just let me leave. I need to get out of here."

"I will happily take you on a drive or a walk or whatever if you want to do that, but I am not letting you go anywhere alone while you are like this," James said firmly. "And don't try to run from me. We both know you suck ass at cardio."

I felt panic rise in my chest. I knew he was right. There was no way I was getting past him right now. He could, and would, outrun me and drag me back, kicking and screaming. I entertained the thought of jumping out of the window for a moment before sighing in defeat. I sat on the bed and dropped my head in my hands.

"Can we shift and go for a run," I muttered miserably. Despite his many attempts to get me to do so, I had never shifted with James. I didn't shift at all if I could help it, but if I was going to talk to him about this, I needed a physical outlet first. My skin was still crawling, and honestly, if I didn't do something, my body would likely force a shift anyway, sooner rather than later.