Lost in Translation

Chapter 17: Caught Red-Handed

———Anthony———

Saturday, May 25th, 2019

I watched Ben get in his truck and pull out of the driveway. My mind was buzzing with static. I reached up and touched my lips, which were still tingling. I felt heat rush to my face again as I thought about what had just happened. I don't know what the fuck came over me. I was trying to keep my distance, tread carefully, go slow... but when he kissed me, it was like something snapped.

"Get it together," I whispered, slapping my cheeks a few times. I turned around, opened the door, and immediately swore. James was sitting in the middle of the couch with one foot over up on the other propped up on the coffee table with the most shit-eating grin on his face.

"Welcome home, Romeo. That was some show," he said. "Glad to see you're finally coming around."

"Shut the fuck up, James," I deadpanned. "And I never said I was "coming around" to anything."

"Are you fucking kidding? You cannot tell me you kissed him like that and felt nothing?" James said as he put his feet down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Ok, for starters, weird as fuck for you to be watching," I said, walking away from him and into the kitchen. "And second, it doesn't mean anything, it's just... it's just the bond."

"I was checking to see if it was you in the driveway since I heard a car, and no one came in. It's not my fault you put on a show in front of the gods and everybody," James said as he followed me.

"It's not a show if no one is supposed to be watching," I replied sharply. I busied myself with pouring a glass of water, hoping James would take the hint.

"You are absolutely dodging my point that that kiss had feeling to it," James said pointedly. I plopped down in one of the kitchen chairs and frowned into my drink.

James' expression softened as he sat in the seat next to me. "You can talk to me about this man. This whole "bottling-things-up-and-denial" thing is not good for you."

"James—"

"I'm serious, Ant," he pleaded. "I can't force you, but I think it would help you process some of this if you talked through what happened."

I sighed and dropped my face into my hands. My mind was buzzing again, but I had the suspicion James was right. Either way, I felt like I was currently deeply and completely over my fucking head.

"I didn't mean to do that," I mumbled miserably.

"Why not?" James asked in a neutral voice, which I suspected was carefully calculated.

"I don't want it to blow back up in my face if I do anything to strengthen the potential bond," I said. I paused and then broke eye contact, staring again into my glass. "And I... I don't want to hurt him..." I finished reluctantly.

"I don't think kissing him is going to hurt him," James said gently. "On the contrary, he seemed to quite like it." I snorted in response and rolled my eyes.

"It will if I fuck this up. And I am absolutely going to fuck this up. James, there is no way I am not going to fuck this up," I said. The buzzing in my head felt stronger, and my breathing became a good bit harder. "This whole thing is a fucking mistake. I should have just rejected him outright the moment he showed up on my doorstep."

"Anthony, breathe. You're catastrophizing," James said.

"No, I'm fucking not. Don't patronize me," I snapped back.