❣︎ 1 ❣︎ Worth It All- Tony Stark's Daughter

Chapter 7: Just Let the World Go

Just a trigger warning before you read this chapter, Dj tries to use her powers to hurt herself. If you are uncomfortable reading it then you can skip to the next chapter I will be posting tomorrow.
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Screams echoed through my mind. I couldn't let them go. I tried and tried to forget, but some things I must remember to go on. No matter how terrible I feel. I cleaned out my mind so many times to forget. It was no use. Memories that haunt me. Memories that destroy me. They are slowly killing me. Like a virus that keeps spreading. What will I become once it takes over me? Maybe that's the prophecy Thor was telling Clint about. Maybe I'm a monster.

I kept my head buried in my knees on the Quinjet, heading somewhere. I cried in silence. I didn't want anyone's sympathy. They couldn't help me anyway.

"The news is loving you guys. Nobody else is. There's been no official call for Banner's arrest, but it's in the air," I could hear Hill talking on the coms. I was grateful she was trying to help us, but talking was only making my head hurt.

"Stark Relief Foundation?" Tony asked.

"Already on the scene. How's the team?" What do you think, Maria?

"Everyone's.." Tony started. "We took a hit. Well shake it off."

I quickly pulled myself off the ground. I stormed into the bathroom, leaving a room full of confused Avengers. My head was hurting too much and I could still hear the screams.

This was not a "shake it off moment". If Tony saw what I did, things would be different.

I looked up in the mirror. My puffy, red eyes made me look stupid. I hated how I look when I cry. I hated how I looked in general. It's only a reminder of the person I am. The person I hate.

The screams in my head only got louder as I stared at the image of a murderer. I can't live like this. I don't even want to live at all. God, why couldn't I just have ended it. I could do it in a second, yet I'm still here. Why?

"Why? Why? Why? Why?" I quietly repeated. My knees gave out. I bent down, crossed my arms on the sink, and cried into them.

"What did I do?" I sobbed. "Just do it, Diola. You're useless. Just let the world go."

I stood back up. I put my hands on my head. I was getting ready to blow up my mind. That's what hurt the most. Why not just get rid of it? And myself while I'm at it. I'm cursed with this memory. I'm cursed with these abilities. I want to get rid of it. Of me.

I was ready. At least I wanted to be. Everything in my life has led up to this moment. I don't see an ending that I like. Why try to live a life if I should never be happy living it?

I have never had a true smile. I've never felt love. Nobody has ever loved me, and I have never loved. My life has been taken from me and I'm ready to end it.

If my future is filled with me being the devil, then I don't want it. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Yet, my "fate" says I should. I don't desire the future I have been told about. I don't desire a future at all. I didn't ask to be here and I'm not asking to stay. I'm asking for quite the opposite actually. I'm done with myself. With my life. I'm ready.

Instead of blue coming from my hands, my whole body started glowing in the blue. My breathing accelerated. Every shaky breath was a thought of my future. The future I could have. I started breathing relatively fast, but I couldn't do it. The blue mist glowed from my body, everywhere, except my hands. It wouldn't let me. I kept trying and trying, but it was no use. I couldn't end it. No matter how done I was with everything. The world wasn't done with me.

I grunted and kept trying to let myself go. I, eventually, stopped trying. I looked into the mirror once more. The one time I wanted to use my powers for good. Why was I so useless?

"Why am I still here?" I let out a sob. I covered my ears again. I could still hear the screams of everyone I've hurt. I could feel their pain. But their pain ended. Why couldn't mine?

I grasped my head. It was pounding. I couldn't think straight. Everything just hurt. And I couldn't even do anything about it.

I fell to the ground and backed into a corner. I sobbed until there were no more tears left to cry. I got up. I tried to avoid my reflection, but I was drawn to it. I looked at myself one last time.

Is numb a feeling? If so, that is all I feel. I can't cry anymore. I can't feel anything else. This was my life. No feelings. Just numb. I don't care what happens anymore. I don't care if I die. I don't care if I live. I don't care if I hurt. I don't care if I stay with the Avengers. I don't care if I leave them. Whatever happens, happens. And I just don't care.

I wanted to cry at the sight of me, I really did. I just couldn't. I couldn't feel. I couldn't do anything, but leave.

I walked out of the bathroom. This time, I didn't give a shit if anyone noticed I had been crying. I just didn't want anyone to ask about it. It made me feel worthless and petty. Like I was begging for someone's attention. Even though that's the last thing I wanted.

I sat down in the same spot I left. My gaze fell on Tony, as he looked at me. I didn't know what he was feeling and I still didn't want to look. How would he react if he found out I could have not been here right now?

I almost did it. I could've done it. I could end so many life's I hated in a second, but when it comes to the life I hate the most, I can't do it. I almost let my life go without thinking twice. If I did it, I wouldn't be here. I would finally find out what happens in the end. Why couldn't I do it?

I groaned and rubbed my temple. I covered my face in my hands. Thinking only made the pain coursing through my head throb. That little bitch witch. I shouldn't be so rude, she did almost do me a favor.

I don't know how to do it anymore. I don't know how to live. I lied down. I put one arm behind my head and put the other on my face to cover my eyes. I lifted one knee and began to rest. This was the first time I could lie down and be calm. I felt at ease. There was nobody to bother me but my thoughts. Yet, I still felt peaceful. For once I wasn't worried. You know, not giving a shit about anything really makes me feel calm.

"We're here," Clint announced after some time.

The Quinjet landed. The doors opened for us to walk out. It looked like a farmhouse? At least it's safe.