when i turned 18

Mixed Signals {Chapter 20}

The next few days after... well, you know, me and Leia... were awkward for some reason. We both knew we enjoyed it, wanted it, but there was this awkward tension that filled the air throughout the entire week. We couldn't quite meet each other's eyes, and every conversation felt stilted and forced.

Around our friends, Malachi and Percy, we managed to put on a front, laughing and joking as if nothing had changed. But when we were alone, the silence was heavy, and every attempt at small talk fell flat. A part of me wishes I hadn't acted on impulse; maybe things would have been different. Maybe we wouldn't be stuck in this weird limbo.

By Thursday, the tension had become unbearable. After school, I decided it was time to do something about it. I sent Leia a text:

"Hey, can we talk? Like, really talk?"

The three dots indicating she was typing appeared almost instantly. A few seconds later, her response came through.

"yeah where?"

"Your place?"

"okay. 4 pm?"

"See you then."

I arrived at her house a bit early, my mind racing with all the things I wanted to say but not knowing where to start. I rang the doorbell, and Leia opened the door almost immediately. She looked as nervous as I felt, her hands fidgeting at her sides.

"Come in," she said softly, stepping aside to let me in.

We went up to her room, where we sat on her bed in silence for a few moments, both of us staring at the floor. Her room felt different today, smaller and more intimate, filled with the tension between us.

"I hate this," I finally said. "This fucking weird tension between us."

"Me too," she replied quietly. "I don't know what to do about it."

I took a deep breath. "Look, Leia, I acted on horny impulse that night, and I... I don't regret it, but I regret how things have been since. I miss just hanging out with you without all this... tension."

She nodded slowly. "I miss that too. Maybe we just need to talk about it. I mean, we can't pretend it didn't happen."

"You're right," I said. "We can't. So, let's be honest. I have to tell you something. I like you, Leia. More than just as a friend. And that day... it felt right to me. But if it didn't to you, if it made you uncomfortable, we need to figure out where to go from here."

Leia looked at me, her eyes softening. "I liked it too. Fuck, I loved it even... I was just scared that maybe you didn't, or that it was a mistake. And now... I don't want to lose what we have."

I hesitated, then spoke, my voice barely above a whisper. "I liked it too, Leia, but I need to be honest with you. I'm still getting over Cassidy. I thought I was ready to move on, but I think I still have some shit to work through."

She looked down, her fingers picking at a loose thread on her bedspread. "I get it, Andrew. But where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But I don't want to lose you either. Maybe we can take it slow, see where things go without any pressure. I need time to sort out my feelings, and I don't want to hurt you."

Leia looked up at me, her eyes filled with a mix of hope and uncertainty. "Okay. Slow sounds good. Just promise me you'll be honest with me about how you're feeling."

"Deal," I agreed. "I'll be honest with you, always."

"Good," she smiled at me, resting her head on my shoulder. "I've missed your hugs."