The Divine Temptation (18+) (Forbidden Priest Romance)

12. Raging Asshat

'And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'

Matthew 14:31 (NKJV)

♱

Gabriel

♱

"I don't think we need that," I say, watching Evangeline pick up a large teddy bear from a cardboard stand and hold it against her, the bear coming up to the same height as herself.

"We may not need it, but I personally think it's a necessity. He can keep me company on the lonely winter nights," she hugs the teddy bear tighter to her chest.

"It's 90 dollars."

Her mouth gapes as she flings the teddy bear back into the cardboard box.

"You're right; we don't need that," she says, showing no remorse at her abandonment of the stuffed toy as she walks down the opposite aisle, with me trailing behind her with a trolley.

"So, uh," I clear my throat, "about this self-pleasure topic."

I pause as I think of the right way to express my somewhat spiralling thoughts. We were unable to continue the conversation in the car, as Evangeline was interrupted by a phone call from a friend in New York, which didn't end until we arrived in the car park of Costco. It didn't bother me in the slightest to hear her talk so carefreely; however, I couldn't help but feel slightly unsettled at the position I've now landed myself in. In her eyes, I had a crush on another woman when, in fact, there was no other woman that I fancied—it was her.

She was the person that caught my eye. She was the person I found myself attracted to, and based on her helping me try to win over this imaginary woman, I don't think she feels the same way, nor do I think she ever will. So, what do I do now?

"I'm just not sure how pleasuring myself will help me with getting to know her or even asking her out on a date," I ask as she stops in the middle of the aisle and turns to face me, hands on the trolley, narrowing her eyes.

"Because in the wise words of RuPaul, 'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?'" she says in an exaggerated tone before continuing.

"What I mean is more along the lines of self-actualisation. How can you expect to love or enjoy the company of another person intimately if you don't know yourself—your likes, dislikes, and even desires?" she continues speaking as I push the cart alongside her. Given it was a weekday, Costco was quiet, and most of the time, it was just Evangeline and me down each aisle, so I didn't have to worry about passers-by listening to our socially taboo topic of conversation.

"I'll give you an example. I'm sure you know that Pinevale isn't the most open place for any type of sexual exploration, especially for a young woman. So, growing up, I got a lot of my knowledge from books. Now, I'm not saying that they are gospel, but they helped distinguish what I would like for myself. Come."

She walks ahead into the centre of Costco, winding between the buckets of clothes and shoes, towards a large crate of stacked books.

"I'm giving you homework. I want you to read these books and tell me if there are aspects of their relationships, or in general, anything that you like or dislike."

She shuffles through the different piles, picking up books and inspecting them, reading the back before stacking them to the side.

"Okay, we'll start with these: a billionaire romance, a forbidden romance, and enemies to lovers."