First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Thirteen

We both read for some time, but, eventually, it lost its appeal, so I set my book down and William and I talked, instead. It was nice, being able to just talk with him as if he were like me, instead of being the crown prince of an entire country.

He moved from the bed to the armchair beside mine so that we could continue talking. At one point, when conversation had ceased and we just sat beside each other in comfortable silence, William spoke. "Erika," he began slowly, watching the flames dance in the hearth.

I glanced over at him. "Yes?"

"What happened between you and your sister to create such a rift?"

I stilled, surprised by his question and trying very hard not to show it. "Why are you asking about that all of a sudden?" The question came out sharper than I intended.

"It just came to me and I was curious. Your relationship with her seems to affect much of your life and, well, I want to get to know you better."

My stomach knotted and I looked away quickly. Even when she was not here, conversation always led back to her.

"You can know me in a lot of ways without bringing up subjects that are triggering to me, William."

His eyes widened slightly and he shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I did not mean to upset you. I was simply curious, that is all."

"Why? What would make you think I am comfortable talking about it if I have not brought it up myself? What about any interaction we've ever had would tell you I am comfortable talking about my sister and my relationship with her?"

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Erika, I'm sorry. I knew she was a sensitive topic for you, but I suppose I did not know how sensitive. I would never intentionally try to hurt you or make you talk about something that is uncomfortable for you."

My chest felt tight and my eyes burned. It was amazing how quickly my sister could sour the mood. And she was not even present.

"We can talk about something else," William offered after a couple seconds of silence while I fought to remain composed.

But the moment was ruined. "I must be going. Thank you for having me." I stood, still holding the book I'd borrowed.

"Erika—" William took my hand in his, but I pulled away quickly.

"I apologize again for coming unannounced." I replaced the book on the bookshelf where I'd found it.

William pressed his lips together, looking like he wanted to say more. "I shall escort you home, then," was all he said.

Commander Gabriel waited for us at the front gates, ready to walk us back to the Lovet estate. He bowed to us formally and allowed us to lead the way through the gates, keeping several paces behind us to at least give us the illusion of privacy.

The walk home was . . . awkward . . . to say the least. Despite the warm night, the fresh air, the endless sky above us, the silence felt suffocating.

When we said goodbye that night, it felt too stiff, formal in a way it never had before. My throat felt tight as we stood before my front door, perhaps each waiting for words the other didn't know to say.

In the end, the words remained unsaid and I stepped inside and shut the door behind me without a backward glance in at William. It was almost a relief to be away from him after the awkwardness of our evening. The feeling of relief surrounding his departure was unfamiliar and unpleasant. I hoped I never felt like this around him again.

#

William and I had not made plans to see each other again. Still, I felt uncomfortable with how we left things the night before and decided I would go see again. Every argument I read about in novels always had a resolution. That was what William and I needed.