First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Twenty

"Miss Erika, your mother is waiting for you. She said she will not wait much longer." Agnes told me from the doorway, frowning slightly.

I pressed my lips together and set my hairbrush down on my vanity table. I met Agnes's eyes in the mirror. "I know, Agnes, thank you." I was not trying to make us late, I was simply trying to work up the courage to go. We were on our way to the palace to begin preparations for the marriage of Alice and William, and I was expected to help, despite my obvious opposition.

Exhaling slowly, I followed Alice from my room and descended the stairs. Mother waited in the entryway, arms crossed, looking severe and impatient.

"It should not take you so long to get ready, Erika," she snapped. "Even Alice was finished before you." Without even waiting for a reply, she turned and marched out the front door to the awaiting carriage.

As Mother had stated, Alice was already waiting for us, seated by the window on the carriage bench. Since Father was working, it was only Mother, Alice, and myself. We sat in uncomfortable silence for most of the short journey between the Lovet estate and the palace.

I was relieved when we finally arrived and I could escape the confines of the small carriage and the awkward silence.

We were greeted at the gates by the guards and my eyes met Commander Gabriel's briefly. I could not help but wonder if he ever took time off, as he always seemed to be on duty. But his work habits were really none of my concern.

He inclined his head in a respectful greeting before waving us through. The walk up the palace steps and to the grand doors felt a lot longer than normal. With each step, the knot in my stomach tightened until I thought I might be sick. I dreaded seeing William. There had not been enough time since our last meeting. It was too soon.

A guard met us inside the palace and led us up to Queen Alexia's private chambers, where Mother and she would most likely discuss plans for the wedding.

The guard knocked on the queen's door for us, and the door was opened a moment later by one of her ladies-in-waiting. The girl was probably in her early twenties. She had a round, flushed face, bright green eyes, and small pink lips. Her auburn hair reached her waist in waves.

She smiled pleasantly and allowed us entry.

The room was large, with a grand stone fireplace and several overstuffed armchairs before it, where Queen Alexia sat, surrounded by her ladies-in-waiting. Tapestries lined the walls, as they seemed to be everywhere in the palace, and a large oak table sat in the middle of the room. There was an archway on one wall that appeared to lead into a bedroom, and another doorway that led to a bathing chamber.

Mother, Alice, and I curtsied to the queen, until she told us to rise. She smiled warmly and waved us to the chairs beside hers, dismissing her ladies, who left the room without another word. "I apologize for my son," she said glancing at the door we had just entered through. "He should be here by now."

As if on cue, William strode through the door and into the room. My heart twisted at the sight of him and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, as all the air left me in a rush. I had to look away to keep myself together.

He bowed low to his mother and then to my mother. "My sincerest apologies for being late," he said, though he did not sound as sincere as he claimed.

Queen Alexia nodded her head and William sat down beside Alice, who was beaming at him. My stomach twisted again.

After several minutes of idle small talk, the four of them moved to the conference tablet to begin wedding plans. Mother and the queen sat on one side of the table talking of color schemes and guest lists. Alice and William sat together on the other side, talking softly to each other, smiling and laughing.

And then there was me.

Unsure of where my place was, I took a seat by the window, hands folded into my lap. It was rather uncomfortable sitting alone. I noticed that William cast occasional glances in my direction, but I did not give him the satisfaction of returning his gaze. I rook out my book—of course, I brought my book with me—and began to read, so at least I had something to do.

Reading did not distract me as wholly as I would have liked. I could still feel those sapphire eyes on me at times, and I could not help the way my mind wandered. Always back to him, of course. I felt as though reading had lost much of its appeal to me of late. I could not get through a page in any of my books without my thoughts interrupting. It was so frustrating.

Alice laughed loudly at something William said, shattering my concentration completely, and I glanced up. They were still speaking quietly to each other, as though they were the only two people in the entire world.

I wanted to believe it was an act. It had to be, didn't it? But they were both so convincing, it was difficult to tell for certain.

After a several more minutes of this, Mother and the queen drew Alice and William into their conversation. They spoke of trivial wedding details: what kind of cake they would have, the color scheme, the meals to be served (in great detail) . . .

I looked at Alice and found that she had a rather strained smile put in place. I wondered if the others noticed. No, surely, Mother would have said something if she noticed.

Some time later, Alice excused herself from the room, explaining she would be back shortly. Was it my imagination or had she been watching the clock?

My eyes flitted back to where she'd been sitting and accidentally met William's blue eyes. The brilliant blue of them made my heart ache and I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I looked away quickly, biting my lip.

Unfortunately, that could not be the end of it. He stood from the table and walked over to where I sat by the window.

"Erika," he said, his voice soft, perhaps to keep Mother or the queen from overhearing. "I am glad you could come today."

The sound of his voice sent a fresh wave of pain through my chest and my eyes began to burn. Suddenly, my bodice felt too tight. I couldn't breathe. It felt as though all of the air was being sucked out of this large room. And it was unbearably warm in here.

I stood abruptly, curtsying to him, unwilling to meet his eyes again. I couldn't be here. I needed to leave. "Excuse me, Your Highness," I replied, before I turned and hurried from the room, without waiting for a reply.

The air was colder in the corridor off of the queen's chambers, though I could not tell if it was because of the growing proximity between William and me or if it was actually colder. Either way, I found I could breathe far easier out here.

Guards were posted outside of the room and they bowed to me as I walked past them down the long hallway. I did not exactly have a destination in mind, but I found my feet carrying me toward the garden. Despite all of my memories with William in the garden, it hurt less to be out here than it did anywhere else in the palace. William and I had been everywhere together. Nearly every memory I had of the palace was a memory of him.

The air outside was warm, the smell of blossoming flowers floating on a gentle breeze. I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smell of roses and lavender.

I walked through the garden, the grass whispering beneath my slippered feet. I had only been walking for some minutes when I heard hushed voices nearby. Curious as to who else might be out here, I walked toward the sound.

Perhaps there were others in the palace who had secret loves and little meeting when they could. The idea made my heart soften a little. Perhaps it would turn out better for them.

The voices stopped abruptly and I thought they might have heard my footsteps, but when I turned the corner, I realized I was entirely wrong about that.

A woman stood with her back to me, pressed against another woman. It took me a moment to comprehend what I was seeing.

Two women stood against the tree, wrapped in a passionate embrace, lips pressed together, holding each other, eyes closed, oblivious to the world around them. I stepped back abruptly, shocked, when the realization hit me. The girl against the tree was Alice and, wrapped in her arms, was Poppy Thorel.