First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Twenty-One

I must have gasped or made some sort of  surprised noise, though I did not remember doing so, because Alice's eyes snapped open and met mine. She quickly pulled away from Poppy, eyes wide, the color draining rapidly from her face, until she resembled a piece of old parchment paper.

Poppy turned, shock registering on her face, as well.

I looked between the two of them, unsure what to even say. Alice in love with someone else. Alice in love with a woman? That was almost unheard of.

"Erika," Alice began slowly, her voice wary.

Anger flared inside me so quickly it left me dizzy. How could she do this to him? We decided to stop seeing each other because they were going to get married. How long had they been meeting? And the scandal! If anyone else had found them, Alice's social status would plummet. The king would certainly cancel their engagement. Not to mention, Mother would have killed her. This was so reckless of them. To meet in such a public place where anyone could have walked by.

I turned to Poppy, whose face remained carefully expressionless.

"Please, don't tell the prince," Alice's voice was soft, a desperate edge to it.

"How long?" I asked.

They were both quiet for a long moment, exchanging a not-so-subtle look. "Only a little while," Alice said at last.

"You never even tried to stop the marriage between you and William from happening," I said accusingly, my eyes narrowed at Alice.

"Of course, I did, Erika," she snapped. "I did try. That's why I know it won't work. Mother would never let me pass on an opportunity to marry a prince. Especially to be with a woman."

"That is no excuse. I cannot be with the one I love, but you get to be with him! Isn't that enough?"

She laughed, but it was a harsh, bitter sound. It reminded me of Mother, which was a terrible thought, indeed. "Enough? You think it is enough that I get to be with the one you love, while neither of us gets to be with the ones we are actually in love with?"

Poppy turned to Alice suddenly, eyes widening. "You love me?"

Alice faltered and turned to Poppy, her cheeks tinging pink. "Well, yes, of course, Poppy. But now is hardly the time to discuss it."

Poppy smiled and her eyes shone as she looked at Alice. So many people had looked at Alice that way over the years, and yet, it had never meant anything to her, but now . . .

My chest felt tight and I could not help but think of William. "And you still will not choose her over Mother?" As soon as I said it, I realized there were so many better ways to have phrased that question.

The color in Alice's cheeks turned from a pretty pink to a bright, angry red. Her eyes narrowed and her hands clenched into fists at her side. "Choose? You think I am choosing Mother over Poppy? You think I have been given a choice in all of this? As though Mother would ever let me do anything else? As though she has not dedicated the last eighteen years of her life trying to give me the best she possibly could? I am not choosing Mother. Mother has not given me a choice at all."

Those words again. Perhaps William and Alice would make a fine match after all. If only because they both felt powerless against their parents. Both felt like they had no choice. "You do have a choice, Alice," I said, more gently. "But it is a difficult one to make and I do not think you really want to make it."

She straightened and looked down her nose at me, though she was shorter than I and I never could understand how she always managed to look taller when she wanted to. "And what of you, Erika? Why haven't you chosen William? Are you content to let him marry someone else? What choice have you made?"