First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Twenty-Three

I sucked in a sharp breath as Agnes tightened the laces on my bodice.

Mother narrowed her eyes, scowling. "Tighter," she said and, with a sympathetic glance at me, Agnes yanked on the laces once more. I was certain Mother was trying to suffocate me. She seemed all too pleased as I tried to get a full breath of air into my lungs.

Mother took a step back to examine me before nodding her head. "That will do," she said before turning and striding out of the room.

I took a deep breath and turned to Agnes. "How do I look, Agnes?" I asked.

Her dark eyes met mine and she smiled. "You look absolutely beautiful, Miss," she said proudly.

I had been afraid to look in the mirror, afraid to see the girl who would be going to a party in honor of an engagement that wasn't hers. After another moment's hesitation, I stepped into view of the mirror, met the eyes of my reflection. I wore a dark blue gown threaded through with pearls so that it looked like I wore the midnight sky. It was elegant, with a plunging neckline and sleeves that were tight to my elbows before dramatically flaring out, embroidered with lace and yet more pearls. It clung to my hips, making my waist look smaller and curvier, and it was tight at my chest, accentuating my breasts. I wore slippers of the same color and Agnes had woven strings of pearls into my hair. My face was powdered, my lips painted red, my cheeks rouged. I looked beautiful. I think as beautiful as I'd ever looked. I had not cried in the days leading up to the event, but, in that moment, I wanted to. I turned back to Agnes, my lip trembling.

Her eyes softened, her proud smile fading. She took my hand in both of hers and squeezed tightly. "I know," she whispered.

There was a look in her eyes that told me she really did. She understood. "How did you lose him, Agnes?" I asked.

She swallowed and gave me a sad smile. "He was noble, I was not. He went off to marry a lady with title, and lands, and power."

Yet another victim of circumstance. There were far more of those than I had realized. "I'm sorry," I said, and I was. I was so sorry. For her. For Alice. For me. Even for Mother, though I would be hard-pressed to admit that. And how many others? Far more than I realized, that was for certain.

She loosed a breath and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "You must go, or you will be late." She gently pushed me toward my bedroom door.

I turned and hugged her quickly. "Thank you, Agnes," I murmured.

She nodded her head, smiling at me, patting my cheek. "Do not forget to smile, Miss," she replied.

I nodded, before hurrying down the stairs to meet the rest of my family. Father was waiting at the door; Mother and Alice were nowhere to be seen.

Father smiled at me. "You look lovely, Erika," he said.

I ducked my head, lowering my eyes to the ground. "Thank you, Father."

Another few moments passed before Mother and Alice met us at the base of the stairs. Alice looked beautiful, as always. Her golden hair was done up in a bun, with a few curls escaping to frame her face. She wore a beautiful red gown with long, tight sleeves and gold lace. Beautiful diamond patterns trailed down the skirt and long the waistline.

Her eyes were slightly red, as though she'd been crying, for she probably had. She met my eyes, and she did not smile, but she inclined her head slightly in greeting.

I offered her a smile in return. "You look beautiful, Alice."

"Thank you," she said, looking me up and down. "As do you. That dress is stunning." Her compliment caused me to blush and I looked away quickly. I was not use to Alice giving compliments. She did not do so often.