Hate To Love You

6

~🌹Elora🌹~

It took a few minutes, but my hazy mind cleared, bringing tears to my eyes as I remembered the contents of my nightmare.

It had been so many years yet I still had nightmares of those moments. Nightmares of the painful memories I'd gathered without being given a choice.

I felt myself slipping into the protective shell I'd built up around myself. One where my body was actively doing what it needed to but my mind was in a near total silent state.

It helped cancel out the things I didn't want to feel and thoughts I didn't want playing on my mind. It made me feel numb to those memories and helped me put up the facade for prying eyes...

Most of the time at least.

My body was on auto pilot as I carried out my morning routine. Once I was done dressing, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror.

Dull, almost lifeless eyes stared back at the pale skin and dark eye bags which was my reflection.
Tears gathered in my eyes but I rapidly blinked them away before applying make up to hide as much as I possibly could without looking like a clown.

I couldn't stomach a single thing so I ignored the simple breakfast of coffee, sausages and bread the maids had prepared.

Just before I stepped out of the house, I saw a maid and it reminded me of the messy sheets and slightly untidy room I'd left behind upstairs. "I would appreciate it if you could change my bedsheets and tidy up the room." I said to her and after receiving a nod in response, I made to exit the house.

"I'm sorry I didn't touch the food. Doubt I have the capability to stomach anything right now." I said, feeling guilty to be wasting the effort they'd put into preparing breakfast and in response, she smiled stiffly, remaining silent, seeming thinking of what to say. 

"There's no prob..." She started but was interrupted by loud ringing which made her eyes dart in the direction of the house phone.

"If it's Mrs Andrews, tell her I'll get something to eat during lunch time at school." I said before walking out and  shutting the door.

The maids usually gave a report of what happens during River and Sophia's absence at intervals over the phone and if both house owners didn't have the time to call, they'd glance through the cameras stationed around the house.

The ringing house phone was one of such calls I'm sure of it and I didn't want Sophia on my case. At least not today when I knew I would definitely do or say something terrible to her.

I ignored the eyes and whispering of yesterday's detention events that followed me and headed straight to my locker.

After dropping off what needed to be dropped of and picking up what needed to be picked up, I let my feet carry me to the bleachers after confirming I still had sometime before classes started for the day.

I sat for a while, almost completely shut down until I heard someone settling themselves beside me.

"Can I join you?" They asked and my brain somehow recognized Zarah's voice.

I made an attempt at smiling but from the grimace I received from her I could safely guess I'd failed horribly.

"That bad?" I asked and she nodded, turning watch the inflow of students and occasionally, teachers.

She didn't ask the universally expected question. 'Are you okay?' and I was grateful for the silent company.

Several minutes later, the warning bell rang and she finally broke the silence by asking "what class do you have first?"