Hate To Love You

13

~🌹 Elora 🌹~

I had no idea when but I'd fallen asleep at some point, my mind still a mess because I woke up groggier than usual and my mood was at an all-time low. It'd hit rock bottom.

I laid on the bed, unable to move an inch even if I were willing to. Thoughts of facing River and Sophia after the conversation kept my back firmly planted to the bed until my alarm clock rang, reminding me I still needed to be in school.

I sighed, considering skipping until it crossed my mind that this was a new school and attendance was part of our final grade. Then again, did the grade really matter?

I closed my eyes, willing myself to go to sleep but everything played on repeat behind the darkness of my closed lids and my eyes finally flew open. I urgently needed a distraction and my mind immediately flashed with one name: Zarah.

'Zarah would be a good distraction and she will be at school so I need to get to school' I thought, forcing myself off the bed and into the bathroom to take a much-needed bath.

Dressed in my royal blue uniform, I took slow, sluggish steps down the stairs. I didn't particularly feel anything when my eyes landed on River and Sophia's obviously anxious and worried faces.

They didn't immediately notice me so I watched them without an expression for a few seconds. Once I'd had enough, I cleared my throat, earning their attention.

"Good morning" I greeted already heading towards the door without a second glance at their already standing figure.

They didn't say anything or chase after me probably figuring I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to them.

I would have left without a word to them, without them even taking note of my presence if I'd chosen to walk past them but if I did that and they eventually wandered up to my room, which they would have done in an hour or two, they would think I ran away.

I don't know the extent of River's illness but it might have caused a major setback. I didn't want that. Even with the pain they'd caused me, I didn't want that for him.

Once I got to school, I sat in the car. My mind which had been so made up on coming here was having second thoughts on going in.

If I had to, I might have turned the car around and left but I didn't need to make the choice because Zarah's smiling face pressed against my window did the honors.

The wide grin on her face would have made me smile wide on a normal day but I could only manage a small one.

The grimace on her face told me it didn't work and the smile wasn't really a smile. "That bad?" I asked with a grimace and her silence answered my question.

"What's your first class?" she asks as we head for the bleachers.

"Calculus" I respond wondering her reason for asking.

"Not the best first class for a shitty day." She says. The sentence, making a wave of Déjà vu wash over me as we settled on the bleachers.

A small smile played on my lips from the feeling. It was just like the first time I'd shown up to school completely shut down. She didn't ask any questions and was instead trying hard to get my mind off.

As much as I appreciated Zarah's efforts, once the afternoon had rolled around, I'd figured I was wrong. Zarah was doing her best but it was too much for me. I thought she was going to be a good distraction but she worked too well and her bubbly, sunshiny personality was beginning to give me a headache.

I felt guilty for thinking about Zarah like that but her constant smiles and cheery chatter were starting to get to me and I needed to get away. I needed to let myself feel the thousand weighing emotions Zarah's cheery personality didn't let me feel.