Broken Vessels

Kabanata 34

Kabanata 34

Shattered

After that night when Mommy told me things that shattered me, it never left my mind. The way she said it so easily, without a hint of hesitation, burned me—her words like a dagger piercing through me. A burden? How could she say things like that to me?

I know she was unconscious because she was drunk, but why did it feel so real and true?

My chest tightened, a dull feeling spreading through me, like my heart was being squeezed with force. I tried to forget the words I heard, but the way her lips formed them left no room for doubt. My tears wouldn't come out no matter how much I tried to cry because the heavy feeling was too overwhelming.

But what's the point? No matter how many tears I shed, it will never change the fact that I am a burden! Tears won't help anymore. Kahit anong iyak ko, hindi pa rin mawawala iyon.

If I am a burden, then what's the point of fighting, Mommy?

Napaigtad ako sa gulat nang hawakan ni Amare ang kamay ko. I gazed at him with fear on my face.

He looked worried, as always.

"You're spacing out again," he said in a concerned voice.

Napapikit ako at napahawak sa aking ulo. I shouldn't think like this kapag nandito si Amare. He can easily notice the smallest things about me. Ngumiti ako nang malapad habang binalik ko ang tingin sa kaniya.

"Iyong major ko kasi, iniisip ko lang," I lied.

"Are you sure?" His voice held uncertainty, as if my answer wasn't convincing.

Tumango ako nang maraming beses at nag-thumbs up sa kaniya. Tila naniwala naman siya sa akin.

"Ano nga pala 'yong sinasabi mo?" tanong ko.

"May handaan sa birthday ko. Punta kayo ng Mommy mo," he invited me.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya habang sinusubo ang aking pagkain.

"Sige ba!" excited kong sinabi.

He smiled.

"Sa September 14, 'di ba?" tanong ko naman.

Tumango siya sa akin.

"Wala akong gaanong inimbita, wala naman akong masyadong kaibigan..." Mahina siyang tumawa. "Mga kakilala lang namin, gano'n," dagdag niya.

I nodded in response. I sipped my drink, but he kept staring at me. I put it down, drawing a smile on my lips to brush away his suspicious gaze.

"Dalhin mo na rin si Ate Lyn. I'm sure she would love to come."

I slightly laughed.

"She's fond of you. She likes you a lot to be my boyfriend," I said.

He smiled softly. "It will happen soon."

Bigla akong napatigil sa pagngiti at seryoso ko siyang tinitigan.

"Bukod sa ayaw mong bawiin ang pangako mo sa Mommy ko at sa pamilya mo, ano pa ang rason kung bakit ayaw mong maging tayo?" tanong ko.

Napakurap siya habang tinitingnan ako. Bumuka ang kaniyang bibig, tila may gustong sabihin. Kita ko ang takot sa kaniyang mga mata habang ako'y pinagmamasdan.

"Nagtatanong lang ako, Amare. I just wanna know." I put on a smile to make him feel like I was just asking.

He sighed in relief.

"I am just waiting for the right time, Adri. But that doesn't mean I'm not serious about you. I'm serious. I do want you to be my girlfriend. Still, now is not the right time," he said, his eyes sincere.