Broken Vessels

Kabanata 45

Note: This is now the last chapter. Enjoy reading. You can listen to the song "Rescue" by Lauren Daigle, while reading this chapter. See you sa wakas!

Kabanata 45

Jar

Time is quickly approaching. Before my graduation comes, I'm scheduled for baptism. Hindi ko pa alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. I don't remember ever thinking I deserved this. But the people who believe in me, and the God who never stopped believing, are proof that I do. That I deserve to be made clean.

For so long, I didn't know who I was. I thought love was something you had to earn. That it wasn't always free. I hid the parts of me that were worth loving. I turned a blind eye. I was lost, searching for light. But here I am, standing firmly in grace. Not because I figured everything out, But because I finally surrendered.

I gave God control over my life. I'm letting Him define who I am. Not my past mistakes. Not the mistakes of others. Not the pain I carried that clung to me like a second skin. But a daughter. His daughter. Chosen. Redeemed.

Tumayo ako sa harap ng salamin at tinitigan ang sarili ko. My skin looked pale, the white dress looked beautiful, and so did I. Today is the day of my baptism.

Hinawakan ko ang rosary na nakapulupot sa aking pulsuhan. I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer:

"God... I am afraid. But I offer my fear to You. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin, pero maniniwala ako sa'Yo. I offer everything to You now, Lord."

As I stepped into the water, it felt warm, but cold at the same time. Umupo ako habang hinawakan ni Pastor Ian ang aking ulo. He began to pray over me. I closed my eyes, embracing the presence of God as I surrendered my soul to Him.

I wasn't the one looking for God. He looked for me. I used to think He was silent, every night I cried and begged. I thought He was speaking to others, but never to me. But the truth is, He was never far. He was there in every redirection. He was there in every closed door. He was there when I begged Him to heal me. He was there when I had nothing left.

And now, I come to Him. With a broken heart. With a wounded soul. And instead of turning His back on me, He welcomed me with open arms. This time, He gave me new hope, stronger faith, a new home, a new tomorrow.

As I was dipped into the water, my soul was set free.

From this day on, I fully surrender to Him, my past, my mistakes, my shame, because I am His.

I do not belong to the past. Not to shame, pain, or guilt. I belong to the One who called me by name, the One who never left me at my worst.

I am a daughter of God. Never a stranger.

"Wow! Graduation na natin!" sigaw ni Nica habang inaayusan kami pareho sa backstage.

Habang busy kami sa buhok at make-up, biglang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Roger. Naka-toga na siya, may gel sa buhok, at amoy bagong spray ng pabango.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Ang bilis mo ah," sabi ko habang muling tumingin sa salamin.

"Aba, gel lang at pabango, okay na ako," sagot niya, proud pa.

Napatawa si Nica. "Sino'ng mga batang tatakas sa klase tuwing end ng semester tapos tambay lang sa church, pero heto at. . . magna cum laude na?"

Sabay-sabay kaming nagtaas ng kamay, parang cheer na private lang sa aming tatlo. Tumawa kami ng tumawa, walang iniisip na iba kundi ang saya ng moment na ito. Habang papunta sa venue, puro tuksuhan, kwentuhan, at tawanan lang. Pero sa gitna ng lahat ng iyon, hindi ko mapigilan ang tahimik na pag-iyak ng puso ko.