Broken Vessels

Kabanata 35

Kabanata 35

Truth

My tears wouldn't even stop no matter how many times I wiped them out. Huminto ako sa labas ng bahay nila. I feel someone following behind me, akala ko si Ate Lyn iyon. Not until he held my arm and gently pushed me back. The texture of his palms gives me the idea who the person is holding me.

Amare.

I stop. I couldn't run, nor even snatch my hand from his hold. Hindi ko nga kayang magalit sa kaniya.

"Adri..." he called, his voice strained, and I could say that he was hurting too.

"I'm okay, Amare." I sniffed, trying not to be obvious that I cried. "Uuwi na ako, tumakas lang ako kay Mommy."

"I... miss you."

Tears fell again without warning. Those words melted me. It sunk deep into my soul.

"I..."

"And I am sorry. Hindi ko alam na darating si Josie," paliwanag niya.

Doon ko lang napansin si Ate Lyn na nakatayo na sa gilid. I looked at her and nodded my head.

"Uwi na tayo."

My head did not turn. I just walked out and left because that is all I want for this moment.

I go home with a heavy heart. Dumiretso ako sa aking kwarto. Doon, payapa akong makaiiyak. Doon, walang huhusga sa akin. In my room, I can be whoever I want. I can be angry, I can be sad, I can cry without judgment.

I weakly took my Bible and my journal after crying the whole night. The humiliation I felt that night still clung to me like an iron chain, wrapping around me tightly. My hands trembled as I flipped through the pages, my vision blurry from the tears that hadn't fully dried. Parang hindi pa sapat ang naiyak ko kagabi.

I wanted answers. I wanted the truth. I wanted comfort.

The silence in my room was deafening. The walls, once a sanctuary, now felt suffocating, pressing me in with my own thoughts. I took a deep breath and pressed my fingers against the words of the Bible, as if holding onto something hopeful... something that could take this heaviness away.

My heart ached, and my world felt unbearably heavy. But still, I held onto my Bible, desperately believing that somewhere within these pages, within these verses, I would find the strength to carry on.

In the slumber afternoon near the shore, I stand facing the ocean as if thinking it was my way to escape a little while from the world I am in.

Behind me, a man stood firm with hope.

"I'm so sorry, Adri," his voice strained in pain, but steady and serious.

Tears made a way to shut my mouth.

I laughed at my thought. Why does he always feel sorry for something he didn't do? Wala naman siyang kasalanan.

"Why are you sorry, Amare? Hindi naman ikaw ang nagpahiya sa akin sa birthday mo."

The incident lasted weeks, and every time I went out, it was vivid to me. Whenever they looked my way, I knew they were judging me.

"Akala ko hindi pupunta si Josie. My mother invited her... and I never knew you had a misunderstanding..." he said in a low tone of voice.

Tila bang nag-iingat siya sa kaniyang mga sinabi.

I smiled bitterly. "It's okay, Amare. I can now handle the pain, unlike before..."

Can I really? O minamanipula ko lang ang sarili ko para hindi na muli matandaan ang nangyari?

"Can you look in my eyes then? I wanna see if you're okay..."