A Dove's Tale

Chapter 100

The Hill of Remembrance had a serene beauty about it in the moonlight. Row after row of white monuments spread out across the hillside and beyond, so bright that they almost glowed against the backdrop of green grass darkened by night. But something twisted in my stomach at the sight of all the headstones, marking the place of the dead, and I looked down at my feet so I didn't have to see the graves passing us by. Chevalier's black boots kept an even rhythm next to the simple brown flats I chose before rushing from my room to meet him. I wouldn't have been so eager if I knew this was where he was taking me.

"Why did you bring me here, Chevalier?" I asked quietly.

There was a beat of silence marked by three steps before he answered.

"We never finished our conversation following our last visit here. You asked my reasons for visiting a grave, but Clavis interrupted before I could hear yours."

The last time we were here. Less than three months ago - a lifetime. Mother was still alive, and I was still doing everything in my power to avoid the truth of her impending death. The assassination attempt was still fresh in my mind, as was the pain of Chevalier's failed attempt to drive me away for my own good. He'd shattered my heart into a million pieces, and yet, somehow, when he brought me here only two days later, to the Hill of Remembrance, to visit the grave of a guard I didn't even know had died, we were closer than ever.

"You said mourning the dead was pointless," I said slowly, trying to remember what I thought and felt the afternoon when we started this discussion. "That you visited the graves of your knights to memorize their names so you could continue their legacy. I hadn't experienced death before then, not personally, and I didn't know that guard well enough to truly mourn him, but I appreciated the opportunity to say goodbye. People need that." I shrugged. "Maybe that's what mourning is. I don't know."

Another few steps in silence.

"I've been waiting for you to ask me to bring you here and to your mother's grave," he said quietly.

The twisting in my stomach moved up to my chest. I shook my head, swallowing down the lump that rose in my throat and shoving the thought of Mother away to focus on the problem in front of me.

"It's my fault those guards died," I said bitterly.

"No, it isn't."

"But it is," I insisted. "If I'd just come back to the palace with you, then-"

"Considering alternate possibilities is an exercise in futility," he interrupted me. "There is no changing the past. You were grieving your mother's death, and Flandre hired a group of trained assassins to take advantage of your vulnerability. The fault lies with him and with the men who dispatched the guards and abducted you. You have no reason to feel guilty."

I bit my lip to keep it from trembling as his words echoed in my head. Part rebuke, part reassurance, delivered in a tone that was neither gentle nor harsh, but firm, leaving no room for question. Just like he did after Jack assaulted me. The first day that I felt the security of his embrace.

I really wanted to feel it now.

"You have yet to explain why you haven't asked to visit your mother's grave."

A tear slipped down my cheek. I brushed it away, blinking furiously to stop more from falling.

"I heard you last night," he continued, his voice softening into a gentle tone that made my chest hurt more.

"How?" I asked thickly.

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk. Voices carry well on a quiet night."