A Dove's Tale

Chapter 178

"You really don't have to do that, Chevalier."

He ignored my protest, of course, leaving me on the sofa with a book and a hot cup of tea while he started a bath for me. After he'd already served me dinner, whisked me away from the stables the moment we returned without even letting me say goodbye to Leon and Gilbert, and stood guard outside the jeweler in Freedom until my allotted hour with Amber was up.

He hadn't told me the last part. I assumed.

"You don't have to go to all this trouble," I called to him. "Nothing bad happened. I just hadn't thought about... some things in a while."

I hoped the running water masked the way my voice trailed off at the end. The way he was doting on me told me he was worried, and he didn't need to worry. Yes, I'd been quiet on the ride back to the palace, but that didn't mean something was terribly wrong. The trip had given me a lot to think about. That was all.

The cushion shifted beneath me as he rejoined me on the sofa, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me on the cheek. "You can talk to me, little dove."

I sighed and turned to meet his beautiful blue eyes, eyes that always saw right through me. "I know, and I will, but I just need time to think."

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell him. My conversation with Amber had gone really well, all things considered. We'd both danced around the subject of Jack, neither of us anxious to even mention his name, and we hadn't said a word about how I knew of Amber's past. Instead, we'd focused on how she and the other girls were doing. Nothing about before. Just the aftermath.

Just the recovery of five girls I hadn't spared a single thought since the day of Jack's arrest.

Five girls who knew what part I played in that arrest. As did Adèle.

Did anybody else at her estate know? Had Amber told Matt?

It wasn't public knowledge, or it wasn't supposed to be. How many people knew about that now?

Was it selfish of me to wish nobody knew?

Chevalier pressed his forehead against mine, pulling me from my thoughts and making it impossible for me to look anywhere except at him. "Stop feeling guilty," he said gently.

I couldn't tell him what I was really thinking. I couldn't admit out loud that I was vain enough to worry about my reputation when there were five girls who'd had to move to another location and pretend to be Adèle's nieces to escape theirs. So, I told him another reason for my guilt, a safer reason. One that was equally true.

"I never thought about them after that day. Not even once."

"You couldn't think about them," he said patiently. "You couldn't even think about yourself. Caring for your mother and making it through each day consumed you."

"But then—"

"Then you nearly died, and you began the lengthy process of recovering, physically and mentally. A process which is still ongoing."

But a year. Nearly a year. So many hours, so many days when I could have spared a single thought to five girls who were also still recovering, physically and mentally. Yes, I'd nearly died, but then I'd been on strict bed rest for six weeks. Why hadn't I thought of them then, when I had been searching for things to stave off the boredom?

Amber was the only one who felt safe enough to leave Adèle's estate on her own.

He didn't understand.

"I'd better check the water," I said, standing abruptly.

He didn't follow me into the bathroom.

The soothing scent of lilacs rose with the steam from the bathtub, and I inhaled deeply, letting it fill me with calm. Lilacs for me; roses for Chevalier. It always smelled like a garden in here. I'd dressed simply again today for comfort while riding, so I had no trouble stripping on my own before I dipped my toes into the hot water. Perfect. I stepped in and settled back against the tub as the water rose higher. Two days without a corset; two days doing more horseback riding than I'd done in a while. I'd enjoyed the break, but my saddle sore thighs would appreciate the return to my normal routine.