A Dove's Tale

Chapter 117

Chevalier was gone when Theresa and I left his room, and my guards, Tyler and David, were waiting for me in the hall, tense and rigid. I apologized immediately for getting them into trouble. Theresa rolled her eyes, but it bothered me.

Now that my emotions had settled, it all bothered me.

But I didn't have time to think about it until evening. I spent the morning in Sariel's office, reviewing the impression I'd made on the upper class, the dozens and dozens of invitations he now had to comb through, and my schedule for the next week. Not the day. The week. He already had a week's worth of social engagements lined up for me on top of my continuing lessons, with the addition of riding lessons a few times a week. It would have all been overwhelming if he wasn't so pleased. Like Chevalier, he had high standards, and he only gave compliments on rare occasions, so seeing him smile genuinely and hearing him praise me now did a lot to soften the blow of all the extra work I had to do.

And all the extra work he had to do, I realized during my lunch break, when scanning my upcoming schedule helped me evade Theresa's embarrassing questions about what went on in Chevalier's bedroom this morning. Sariel had a week's reprieve from major event planning, as per my request of Chevalier, but he still had his work as a court minister, my lessons, and now, my social calendar. Everything he'd lined up for me over the next week would take place at the palace with local nobility he knew well. Under the noses of Chevalier, his brothers, my guard detail, and the entire palace guard.

Safe. Extremely safe.

I'd guessed by now from bits and pieces I heard and saw in Sariel's office that at least some of his normal duties were investigative, and reading between the lines, Chevalier probably had him investigating every invitation - the people, the places, the security - everything.

He needed a raise. And an assistant. Maybe two.

My new schedule started right after lunch with a tea party in the gardens, followed by a literary salon in the library, and then a dinner party in one of the larger dining rooms, which I escaped as quickly as possible to retreat to the now-empty library. I had a breakfast engagement the next day with a low-ranking baroness whose husband's vineyard was gaining her family money and standing, and I thought studying about the wine industry would help me converse more knowledgeably with her.

Wine wasn't that interesting.

Not for me, anyway. Not when exhaustion made the words unfocused, and I couldn't keep my mind from wandering. Clavis slunk in to apologize about the morning, looking like a whipped puppy with his tail between his legs, and then he left right away, even though I invited him to stay and talk. The unease I felt earlier came rushing back. If I'd just stayed in my room and let my guards get Chevalier after they woke me up from that nightmare, nobody would have gotten into trouble. Chevalier would have calmed me down, we would have fallen asleep in my bed, and Theresa would have woken us up, not Clavis. No swords, no surprise meeting with Gilbert and Yves in the middle of the night, no panic from a simple butter knife.

Maybe none of the passion that pushed the boundaries of what I felt comfortable with this morning.

No, not just this morning. Last night, too, before I even went to bed, when Chevalier and I were on the sofa together. And every romantic interaction since the doctor released me from bedrest. I felt like we were moving fast, and disregarding the question of right or wrong, I wasn't sure about my motivation for going along with it. Yes, I loved him, and I loved the attention he gave me, but he'd also done a lot for me since we met. A lot.

Was that the problem? Was I just "going along with it?" Because I felt like I owed him?

The littlest thing could still trigger a surge of panic in me that put a stop to everything until he calmed me down, and then I ended up feeling guilty for ruining the moment and grateful to him for saving me yet again, and that was a dangerous combination of emotions. Mingled with intense physical attraction, the echoes of my past, and my unsettled convictions, it made for a confusing situation that left me questioning the increasingly blurry boundary lines within our relationship.