A Dove's Tale

Chapter 168

"Ivetta. Ivetta!"

I jerked awake with a gasp, heart pounding, drenched in sweat. A face hovered over me, hidden in the shadows of night, but even with fear clawing at my throat and my mind in chaos, I knew it was Chevalier. His silhouette framed in starlight from the window, his voice calling me out of the nightmare, his distinctive smell of roses tinged with the musk of sweat—he was as familiar to me as my reflection.

"You're safe, Ivetta."

A nightmare. It had all been a nightmare.

"Chevalier," I choked out, grabbing his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and lay back against the mattress, holding me close and stroking my hair while I buried my face in his chest, clinging to him desperately. The snapping of flames drawing grotesque shadows on dark stone walls, the metallic creaking and clanking of chains above my head, the painful bite of that bloody dagger, all disappeared, memories from long ago and never again. Here, with Chevalier, I was safe. I was always safe with Chevalier.

Gradually, the trembling stilled. Eventually, my heartbeat slowed. I focused on his breathing, working to match each deep inhale and long exhale with mine, and my mind cleared a little with every breath.

And with clarity came guilt. As always.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He sighed. "When will you cease apologizing for matters that are beyond your control?" he asked, a weariness in his voice that drove the guilt deeper.

"I don't know," I said, shaking my head. "I just—I didn't want—"

"Ivetta," he interrupted softly. "This isn't your fault. It's happened before, and it will happen again. I knew that when I chose you, and I would rather be here to comfort you than leave you to face it alone."

He kissed the top of my head and nuzzled into my hair, and I felt relief flood the empty spaces left by the tension draining from my body. I always felt guilty when I woke from a nightmare, because I was always inconveniencing someone, but I couldn't deny how good it felt for Chevalier to be that someone. He could hold me and kiss me and give me a sense of security I couldn't get from anyone else. When he said I was safe, I really was safe.

It would still be a while until I could get back to sleep, though.

"Chevalier?" I asked tentatively, peeking up at him from the cocoon of his embrace. "Could we...sit outside? Just for a few minutes? Sometimes...sometimes it helps."

He sighed again and nodded, brushing my sweaty hair back behind my ear. "After you change."

I followed his eyes down to my damp nightgown, something I never thought about until the sweat dried and the shivering started. "Oh. O-okay."

He loosened his arms around me, and I crawled out of bed, hurrying to my trunk and stripping out of my nightgown before the chill set in. It felt gross to put a clean nightgown on when I was still sweaty, but I knew Chevalier wouldn't budge on that point, even if I told him I used to sit outside in a sweaty nightgown for hours on end without getting sick.

Especially if I told him that.

I pulled the fresh nightgown on as he opened his trunk beside mine, withdrawing his cloak, and a flash of golden metal caught my eye before he closed the lid.

"Is that your sword?" I asked.

"Yes." He fastened his cloak around his shoulders and slipped an arm around my waist, bringing me to his side and enfolding me in the cloak's warmth, too. "You didn't think I'd leave it behind?"

"No, but I haven't seen it since the day before our wedding."

I hadn't missed the sword, but I'd missed his cloak, I realized, comforted by its familiar feel and smell as we went out into the cool, whispering night. The faintest of breezes brushed across the new spring grass, the vibrant green muted and tinted blue under the inky black sky. Though the chattering birds of daylight were gone, the hum of insects filled the air with their much softer night song, and an owl hooted somewhere nearby. Chevalier had brought a blanket with us, and he spread it across the hillside where we'd read together earlier in the afternoon. Unlike then, when I sat down, he sat behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and his cloak around us both.