Morana knows she's different from other people in more ways than one. Firstly, she's sixty-seven years old but stopped ageing in her twenties. Weird things have also happened around her right after she's wished for it. But most importantly, no matte...
As I laid in bed, the idea of trying to sleep felt like a joke. My mind replayed what had happened over and over. So I gave up almost immediately and decided to do the second option Alejo had given me. Watch a movie.
I put on Aladdin and I gave the movie an honest try. But it wasn't enough to make my brain shut up. It just kept going. I could still feel Dereck's hands on me. Hear his words and see that dark and hungry look in his eyes.
I turned the TV off. If I had to relive the whole thing over and over, I rather wanted to do it hiding under a blanket.
As I got to my room, I stopped for a moment, but then walked on and to Alejo's room.
I wished he was there, that he could hold me. It really felt safe being around him, and I knew he would never let anyone hurt me. But since he wasn't there, I had to settle for the next best thing. His bed.
Before I got on his bed, I took off my clothes. Threw the dress into a dark corner and made a mental note to burn it later. Then I put on a t-shirt and sweatpants he had put in his laundry basket. Just breathing the smell of him from the shirt eased my mind a little and as I got under his blanket, I was finally able to stop repeating the scene in my head.
But as I managed that, other thoughts started to creep up on me.
Dereck had always seemed nice. I had come across my fair share of jerks throughout my life, but Dereck had never seemed like one of them. Though he had clearly been uncomfortable around me in the beginning, he had never completely shunned me. I would never have imagined him capable of hurting me, not in such a way at least.
Was it something about me? The number of assholes I had come across was quite a lot. Was it all maybe about me and not them? Those voices, the dark thread, the part of my magic that was slightly off. Was it maybe all because of that? Did I make good people turn into bad people? Was it all my fault?
If that was the case, then... Would I end up making Alejo into a bad person too? Would I slowly poison him with my darkness? Would he one day end up hurting me just like Dereck had?
No, he wouldn't, because I wouldn't allow that to happen. If I was the problem, if I made people do bad things, then I simply had to remove myself from Alejo's life and he wouldn't be poisoned. He would remain good.
That meant I had to move out and never see him again. And if it was true I made people bad, then I had to move and live somewhere away from people. Like a cottage in the woods. It would be just me and Leramidon. We would live out the rest of our lives isolated from others.
I didn't want to do it. I especially didn't want to leave Alejo. But it was all for the best. I was dirty and it would be unfair to him if I infected him.
I got out of the bed again as I reached that conclusion. There was no point in delaying my leaving. I could just as well get packing straight away.
I took out my bag in my room and opened the wardrobe Alejo had bought. The little amount of clothes I had in there was folded neatly and I took them out, shoved them into the bag. That was still my only possessions really, so I flung the bag over my shoulder and turned to Leramidon's aquarium.
I hesitated.
If I would live somewhere isolated from everyone else, then I probably wouldn't have access to such things as electricity and the aquarium needed that for various functions. I also wouldn't even be able to bring the aquarium along to start with.
Was it better to leave Leramidon behind?
Alejo would take good care of him, right?
That idea broke me even more. I had had Leramidon for twenty years now. And so many times when I had been sad or lonely, it had all eased up, at least a little, by the fact that I had Leramidon. His presence meant I wasn't alone. Without him, I really wouldn't have anyone but myself.
"What are you doing?"
The question made me jump slightly, and I turned to look at Alejo. He stood in the doorway to my room. No lights were on, so his face was in darkness and his voice had been calm and collected. But I anyway felt anger rolling off him.
I bent my head under his gaze, but found no words to answer him.
"Why do you have a backpack on?" he asked next, and some of the calmness seemed to fade.
"I..." I tried to answer, but didn't manage.
"Were you at least going to say goodbye?"
My eyes were still on the floor, but I heard his footsteps. Then felt his hand under my chin as he lifted my head up.
Our eyes met. His were angry. It was like the anger he had had when he had first come to the club. Anger that I had caused. Maybe it even was due to me that he could feel that type of anger. Maybe my magic had already started to poison him.
"You need to stay away from me!" I hit his hand away and took a step back. He took a step forward. I took another back, and he took another forward. As I kept moving backwards, I finally hit the wall and Alejo placed his hands on either side of me, trapping me.
"What do you mean?" he asked and his voice was back to being completely calm and collected again, but there was also a dark edge to it.
"I... I... It's my fault!" I finally admitted. My head was lowered again because I couldn't handle looking at him. "I'm the problem. You've said so yourself. You said something is wrong with my magic. I'm the one that makes good people bad. And I... I can't let you be one of them. So I need to leave. If you were to..."
My words stopped as he got his arms around me and hugged me tight. Too tight really. But it was also the most welcomed hug ever.
"Fuck, you scared me," he said, and all anger seemed gone in the blink of an eye and though his hug was hard, his voice was soft. "I thought... I don't even know what I thought."
"You have to let me..."
"I'm not letting you go. Not because of a stupid reason like that. What he did to you, any way that anyone has ever hurt you, it's never been your fault. It's their fault. They are the bad people and you had nothing to do with that."
"But..."
"It is not your fault. They are responsible for their actions. They are at fault."
"But how do you know..."
"Know that you have no responsibility? That it's not your fault? Because it's not. They are the ones that hurt you. Not the other way around."
He let go of the hug and lifted my face again. He moved a thumb up and swiped it under my eye. I hadn't even noticed when I had started to cry again.
"Besides, you should know by now that even if you left, I would be able to find you and bring you back. No matter where you go. And I will. If you leave, I'll find you."
His voice was filled with possessiveness and his words spoke of an unhealthy type of attachment. A small part of me, the logical part, knew it should have made me apprehensive. But it didn't. Instead, it sent calmness through my body and I became warm with happiness.
He didn't want to be apart from me.
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