Listen To Me

chapter 16 ⋆ rewrite me

trigger warning: attempted rape

if this could even potentially be triggering, this chapter is not crucial to the plot. so please feel free to skip ahead. there are no explicit details, but i care about your personal safety as a reader. 

if you have experienced sexual assault, i see you. i hear you.

past

Hair freshly curled, glossy with hairspray, and with the dizzying scent of various perfumed products flitting into her nose, Noel finished a last sweep of mascara over her eyelashes and surveyed her work. 

The dress was a red number; silky, with an embroidered hem and floaty skirt. The colour of her painted lips matched. She hoped, no, knew that it would be enough to impress him. Michael, with his sandy hair and dark, knowing eyes, was perfect. Perfect for Noel.

She dreamed about kissing him, sometimes. When she was immersed in those perfect moments, it felt like Michael lit sparks into her mind. Her vision of love was still a little rose tinted. Love was the meeting of minds, hearts, souls.

"Are you ready yet?" Kelly Rowland walked into her room, looking gorgeous in a plum dress. Her eyes widened. "Fuck, Noel, save a bit of beauty for the rest of us."

Noel laughed and pushed her away. "You know you're beautiful, Kelly."

"Don't I?" Kelly replied with a wink. "Everyone's ready, so get your ass in the car. Michael's party waits for no one. Not even a queen such as yourself." she gestured to Noel dramatically.

Noel chuckled once more. "Think we'll see Natalie get rejected by Jason again? That girl needs to learn when to quit."

"Right? After the fifth attempt, it just gets sad. The girl can't get a guy to love her; she should accept it and move the fuck on."

Noel stared at herself in her vanity mirror, regretting the sly comments. Just a bit, because Natalie was actually a nice girl. "Well, neither can I, so I guess we have something in common."

Kelly stared at Noel, her eyes wide as dinner plates. "Are you stupid or just blind, girl?"

Noel stared back. "What?"

Kelly threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "Michael, duh! He's literally told the guys on the football team that you're fit. He can't take his eyes off you in your cheer uniform. How could he not have a crush on you?"

Noel began to stammer, her cheeks flaming up into a blush. "It's not like that. We're friends."

"But you want more." Kelly wiggled her eyebrows. "Well, tonight's the night, girl. Get your claws into him. We'll celebrate your success with my fake ID and a club tomorrow."

Noel frowned. "Listen, I wouldn't judge people who enjoy it, but I don't want to have sex with Michael in a bathroom for just one night. And I'm saving myself, remember?"

"Saving yourself for when you're fifty." Kelly said disappointedly, folding her arms. "Yeah, I know. What about a kiss?"

Noel smiled. "Well, I wouldn't say no to that."

"That's my girl." Kelly double high-fived her, and they laughed. "Now let's get your ass into my car, so we can enjoy ourselves for the night. With or without Michael." Kelly said knowingly, hauling Noel out of her room.

They walked down to Michael's room at school. He was one of the richest guys in their boarding school; his parents partially funded the school's endeavours.

To the girls' lack of surprise, Michael showed up straight away to greet them, his eyes bright. "Noel." he greeted Noel, wrapping an arm around her hip. He cast a glance to Kelly. "Kells. Come on in, everyone's waiting for you."

True to his word, the football team and cheer squad were in the living room. Many of them were cuddled close, or chatting in groups. When Noel and Kelly entered, most of them came over to say hello.

"I know you two want some alone time." Mason cast a sly grin in Noel's direction. "We'll leave you to it."

One of them leaned in to Michael, whispering something in his ear, and Mason passed Noel a filled red solo cup.

She threw him a look. "Can I get a can, please? Unopened?"

The offender placed a hand on his chest in mock offence. "Think I'm untrustworthy?"

"I was raised to be smarter than that." Noel replied, putting the cup back in his hand and curling his fingers around it. Michael and his friends laughed appreciatively, before he pulled her away to the kitchen.

"Here, I've got it." he told her, grabbing a can and passing it to her. She took an appreciative sip, ignoring that Michael watched her silently. She didn't remember exactly how, but he took her hand in his and brought her past all the others.

As they climbed a staircase, she came to herself. "Where are we going?" she asked him, but he didn't answer until he was opening a door, his hand firmly in hers.

Only when they were inside a bedroom, his bedroom, presumably, he dropped her hand. "Are you okay?" Michael gave her a soft smile. "I miss having you around, you know."

A bright, fluttery smile grew on Noel's face as she stared up at him. This was what she'd waited weeks on end to hear. "Really?"

"Of course." his head nestled into the crook of her neck as he wrapped his arms around her back. She returned the hug, the smile clinging to her mouth. "I miss you all the time."

And just as quickly, she still didn't remember how, it was all a blur. His lips were on her neck, kissing from the edge of her jaw down the curve between her neck and shoulder. His hold on her tightened, not painfully, but not comfortably either.

She tugged slightly at him. "Stop." she said automatically, then she wondered why. After years, he was finally paying attention to her. Then she had to ruin it all by realising that actually, she didn't want him.

She felt so bad thinking this, she let him continue to kiss her neck. But she froze when his fingers slipped over her dress, tugging the neckline lower. Her hand crept up to stop him, but he was stronger. She felt the fabric tear from the stress and she bent inward instinctively to hide herself from him. 

But he tutted under his breath and reached to cup his hand on the back of her neck. And just like that, she loosened. Her body unwillingly gave way to his touch.

She watched as he pulled the ruined fabric further down until it spilled down her stomach. His gaze slid over her, tracing from her neck, down the line on her stomach, to her centre between her waist. Thankfully, the skirt of her dress was still on.

In a second, that minute feeling of security evaporated away, like water into the air. Her body froze, stiffened and sharpened into icicles. The cold clung to her, and it wouldn't let go.

Noel felt like she was floating aimlessly through space and time. She was a miniscule dot in the universe, and that was why no one cared about her. No one cared that she was staring at a stain on the ceiling, so that Noel could forget what was being done to her. No one cared that her mind and body felt like it was being used.

She was numb. It felt like her mind was being broken into millions of pieces. Mind, heart, soul. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

When he finished, he pulled his jeans on and glanced her over. Noel wrapped her arms protectively around herself, aware that her top was ruined by his scrabbling fingers. She wanted to vomit. The feeling of his skin still lingered on hers.

"Leave." she managed to say. The word stumbled out of her mouth, scratchy and distant.

His brow creased. His face, which she loved an hour ago, was now cold and distant. Ugly to her. "But you wanted it."

She stared at the wall next to him silently, refusing to turn her gaze away from the spot. Just like the stain on the ceiling now. 

With one last longing glance at Noel, Michael left.

///