Listen To Me

chapter 15 ⋆ help me

past

Jax

     In sophomore year, Noel Jean joins my English Lit AP class.

     She sparkles. When Noel talks about Othello, her eyes shine like damn crystals catching the light. I glance at her, and I wonder how such a person can exist.

     She's so beautiful, but her eyes speak volumes. I feel the loneliness creeping around Noel Jean, even though she's surrounded by people. Because I'm alone too.

     Georgia and Arden are my only friends, and even then, I only speak to Georgia during chess club. Arden eats lunch with me every month because banding together might stop the bullying. And there's me, sitting at the front of every single one of my classes, with my overlong brassy hair and awkwardness. There's no way that someone like Noel would see me; except when she needs something from me.

     I still remember that day in the library, when Noel asked me to be her messenger to Michael, like he didn't bully me for the last three years.

     No, I wouldn't go that far for anyone. Not even her.

     But the temptation lingers. She sits just a few seats to my right in English Lit AP, one row ahead. Her hair shines like gold with copper mixed in.

     I'm able to pick up a lot of little bits of knowledge about Noel. She always gives to people, be it her kindness or her material possessions. But subconsciously, I think Noel feels a lot is due to her in return. She can be downright arrogant about it, sometimes.

     Like when she invited me to Michael's party.

     In Noel's mind, she was giving me a way out of my 'unpopularity'. Doing favours for people who never asked. In return, she wanted her pipeline to Michael, but I wasn't getting my hands stuck into that mess.

      Whenever I see Michael and Noel together, I try to believe they're friends. But I see the way that Michael's eyes skim Noel whenever he sees her. It makes me sick to my stomach. What does she even see in him?

     He's a football jock, and she's the stereotypical popular girl. They're supposed to pair off. That's how high school goes.

       So I decide to put my head down and ignore it.

       Until Noel shines the light back onto me again.

///

     One day, Noel looks sad.

     I don't usually look her way because believe me, she seems vain enough. She never seems particularly happy with her cheerleader friends, but Noel's especially melancholic today. Her eyes are darker than their usual honey brown, and her eyebrows furrow whenever she's not talking to someone.

     So I decide that today, I'll talk to her.

      I grab a piece of paper and ball it up, throwing it at Noel's chair. It bounces off the back soundlessly and Noel doesn't notice it. My heart sinks, but Kelly Rowland's looking at me. And she looks surprised.

      She gets Noel's attention and points at me. Noel whips around, her hair flicking around her chin.

When I'm certain that Noel's honey coloured eyes are focusing on mine, I raise my eyebrows in concern and mouth, are you okay? As I predicted, Noel looks slightly startled. It isn't as if we ever interacted on a personal level. To her, I was a transactional item. Another person who can be bought by charming smiles.