Our Memories

| Happy Birthday, Levi... |

December 25th, 2023.

Levi's POV.

It honestly felt like the year passed by so fast. One second I was in January, and in the next I was in December. And now, it's my birthday, yet again. I'm officially 39 years old, pushing my big 40, and every time I look in the mirror, I get reminded that I'm slowly getting closer to death. I honestly feel like I look older, but Eren tells me otherwise. Always saying how young I look — 23 to be specific. I find it funny, truly. He's sweet.

But as the days pass by, they feel so fast. A lot has happened. November 11th, that day was the day Zeke came uninvited to our home with two people beside him. Porco and Pieck. Their names sound familiar, but I can't exactly place my finger on who they were. Especially since my past life is only getting more blurry as I age. And I hate that. I don't want to forget everything. But I feel like it's happening. And I can't do anything to stop it.

What's worse is that Eren too, is having trouble remembering. It's like we're both losing the very thing that makes us so special. Aside from our careers, of course.

But it was strange. The conversation. Zeke talked about Porco and Pieck, introducing them and all, before telling us that they're valuable assets. People who will be able to help Eren get rid of his curse. And that in itself piqued my interest. We got to know them, what they remember, and what the next steps we should take. Eren and I were left with hope from that day on forward, but of course, there are some limitations even from their end. They remember almost everything except for one person. And that person is what we're assuming is the key to undo this curse. Even Zeke himself can't remember. None of us can. It's like something is blurring it out from our heads, no matter how hard we try to think and remember.

Regardless, we were left with hope. With faith. And that's all we can feel when it comes to this situation.

Nothing more has been said, even now in December. Eren had taken me out days earlier to celebrate my special day. It was a mix of adventures. We decided to do something big. And that was to travel to two other countries. France and Italy. It was fun, to say the least. But the days spent there weren't my favorite. Not because anything bad happened, or any troubles that occurred — no, it was all perfect. But my favorite part was when we made it back home, and with Erin in between us on the bed, Eren and I spoke.

We chatted, got real deep into it, and revealed all sorts of things to each other.

I revealed more of my past, how my life was from my early years — things I never told Eren before as he too, revealed things to me. It's like we poured our hearts out to each other, and we loved each other greatly. I felt overwhelmed in the best possible way.

Our trip was beautiful. Getting to explore the culture that I have in my blood — France, from my mom's side. And Italy, just because it felt right. Erin was with us, of course, and so we had our fun. It was an experience. But to me, being at home with my lover and my daughter... it felt more special than traveling anywhere. And our conversation really drove me. I understood Eren, and he understood me. It was a deep connection I felt then, and that I can't stop feeling now since then.

Since we celebrated early, we just came back from our travels yesterday. Leaving me here, with those I love surrounding me. I feel almost out of place in a way, since I'm more of a quiet, "likes to be alone with my partner" type of person. But I didn't mind this. I liked it.

Seeing these familiar faces. Hange, Moblit, Erwin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Armin, Annie, even Niccolo came with a cake for me. A cake with my name on it and Christmas decor made out of fondant. It was cute. I felt special.

Eren sat beside me, holding Erin in his arms and laughing as he spoke with basically everyone here. While I sat there, "listening", while in reality, I'm just lost in thought.

Today feels wonderful. Like... too wonderful. I can't place my finger on it. Something feels too right — it feels wrong. My day is going too good, I don't want it to end — I don't want to see the consequences that comes out of such a good day.

Something is eating me up inside. And I don't know what it is. But all I know, is that even in such a beautiful moment as this one, all I can feel is despair.

Why?

I look at Eren, I look at our happy daughter, and I wonder...

Why do I feel so empty?