Just One More Tear to Cry

Part 15

Jungkook's POV

I parked my car by the Han River and stepped out. My mind isn't working like I want it to. I don't feel okay. My mind keeps saying Jimin's name, no matter how busy I try to be. It's the first time I've felt like this. It's new to me. Is this some kind of attraction? Or is it something else? Just being around him makes my mind go crazy. What's wrong with me? What has he done to me? I hate him a lot, but why? Is it because he met my dad? Stayed with him when I wasn't there? Got treated with my dad's help? But he doesn't have anyone else in this world, right? Is it fair for me to hate him like this? But... is he really innocent? I'm scared to trust people I don't know, especially those who come into our lives out of nowhere. Wait... then... Jia...? Wasn't she also someone I didn't know well?

I still remember when I met Jia at the university. I saw her coming into the cafeteria with a few other girls. She caught my attention easily. She was pretty and talkative. I don't know why, but I got attracted to her, and we ended up living together for a couple of years. Sometimes we said "I love you," but most of the time it was her. She was a good partner, but what I feel with Jimin is different. We had many passionate nights together, which I think was why I spent time with her. She always needed me, and I used her to pass the time, which she accepted without complaint. But over time, Jia wanted me to talk to my dad and arrange our marriage, which we never planned. Our relationship started just to have fun and sex, so I don't know why she suddenly wanted to get married. She knew I'm not someone who would get into marriage easily. It's funny, but I don't even know her last name! I just know her as Jia! I wonder what to call our relationship. Was it love? Was that what love felt like? Who should I ask?

The word 'love' and its feelings are all new to me. I'm not saying my dad didn't love me, but it's weird. He hardly had time for me. Sometimes I wouldn't see him for weeks. Most days, I was with the mansion maids who took care of my needs without talking to me nicely. I could see fear and inferiority in their eyes. They never looked at me when they spoke. I was basically bossing around people much older than me. Sometimes my dad ignored me at home. I know seeing me reminded him of my mom. But it wasn't my fault she left us. My dad regrets blaming himself for her death. We used to be happy, even if it was short-lived. I was small when she left us, so I don't have many memories, but I know she was lovely. No wonder my dad feels pain when he thinks of her. After she left, my dad got busy with work, maybe to forget his sadness. I feel sorry for him. He lost his wife when he needed her the most. Raising a kid alone without a wife must have been hard for him. I'm sorry, dad.

I wanted to stay away from my dad as much as possible, which is why I left Korea. He didn't like it, but I convinced him I needed a change. Living in the mansion with no one to talk to or care for me was suffocating. My dad understood and let me do what I wanted. He'd call and ask about me sometimes, but I didn't feel anything special until Jimin showed up. I saw how my dad changed when Jimin came. He started asking about my life, which was new. When he talked about Jimin, he smiled a lot, which made me jealous. I felt like Jimin was taking the attention I deserved.

I remember when my dad called to say Jimin was awake after the accident. He was so happy, celebrating Jimin's recovery. It hurt me. He never cared about me like that. When I got sick, it was always the maids who took care of me. On the days I was sick, I had no one to hug me. But Jimin... Even though he wasn't my dad's son, my dad was so happy to see him recover. That's when I started hating Jimin. I thought he took my dad away from me. The hate, jealousy, and fear of being left out consumed me. I spent my life feeling neglected and alone. I didn't want someone else to get the attention I deserved from my family. It got worse when my dad decided to keep him in the mansion. That was my place. He was trying to take my spot. At least, that's what I thought. I only saw Jimin as someone who ruined my relationship with my dad. I was so angry I couldn't see any good in him.