The Queen Of Fuck Ups {m.c.}

Get Up And Fuck Up

~DRUG USE KINDA~

I hate birds. Birds are horrible and they should not sing outside my window. Ever. Fuck my head hurts. I reach out and feel the comforting cold from a bottle with whatever liquid it contains. As I usually would say: I don't give a fuck. I sit up slowly because I really don't feel like throwing up over my pants. I throw the razor onto the floor and look at my sheets with a groan. They are covered in red once again so I have to fucking chance the sheets. It's so much easier to fuck instead of cutting. When I fuck I just have to throw a person out and my bed is back to normal. It's fucking bullshit.

"I hate you dumb tattoo

I wish you'd fly to the moon

Where there are no girls to use or screw over

I'm laughing cause I lied you know

I said you sound like All Time Low

You don't even though you try hard

And you try ha-" Why do I have to have a ringtone I actually like? It doesn't make me want to pick up the phone but dance. First world problems. I pick up the phone and wait for the other person to say something.

"Alice you need to meet me because I met the most amazing people last night and it was really fun and we got kicked out of the bar and please remember a bottle of some of the finest! Meet me outside." Then line goes dead and I let out a sigh. Jamie always gets really fucking weird when she's been up all night and drinking her brains out, but that is a minor detail.

 I grab two bottles of who gives a shit and climb out of my way to big window. I'm already wearing clothes because I snuck in about an hour ago and didn't bother changing my clothes. I slowly slide down the roof as I've done for so many years. If I wanted to I could just walk out of the front door because my parents don't care about me anymore. They let me live in the house and sends money into my account every week.

My mom looks at me with empty eyes. They've been empty for so long and once it pained me to see. My dad sighs loudly in a what-shall-we-do-about-you way.

"Let's make a fucking deal okay? I don't bother you and I shut up. It'll be like I don't really live here. I'll however stay in my room and live there, but I won't eat with you and I won't scream, yell or smash things. If you pay me a 1000 bucks each week." I guide my fingers up to my mouth and put the cigarette between my lips before inhaling the smoke. I'm drunk as fuck and high on nicotine but my parents stopped me on my way to take their vodka bottle. They don't have anything against me taking their alcohol, but they don't care about anything other than her room.

"A 1000 dollars? We can't pay you that Je-"

"Don't you dare call me that name! You have the money and if you don't pay it each week I will let all of my completely stoned friends go into her room and fucking destroy it. So I think it's a deal." I take the vodka bottle of the counter and throw the cigarette onto the stone floor. My dad starts to yell my name but just stops when my mother grabs him.

Fucking bullshit. I hate that memory. It's fucking bullshit and that's the day I started hating them. I haven't said a word to them in one and a half year. I know they hate me too. They blame me even though it couldn't have been my fault. You live and she doesn't. She would have been such a good girl and you're a fucking waste. I saw it in their eyes that day.

I jump down from the roof and into the too perfect green grass. My parents are rich so the house looks perfect and I hate every part of this plastic house.

"Oh there she is! Darling come and get some of this shit. Chris got a new stash and he gave me some of it." Jamie runs over to me and hands me the neatly rolled joint. You can say a lot of things about Chris but he has the best shit in town, which is quite impressive since we live in Sydney and that is a fucking huge city. I inhale and smile as the smoke fills my lungs and I feel less like a fucking pathetic piece of shit.

"Oh yeah meet the guys. Guys meet her. No one knows her name but she's called Alice and we don't ask questions because she is rich as hell and can afford all the good booze." I look at the guys behind her and carefully take a look at each one to see if they can be accepted. They are all tall as hell and all look kinda pumped. Some more than others though. Firstly there is a guy with hair that is too long but it works for him so whatever. He has huge arms and look almost too fit and he wears acceptable clothes so he's good enough. Which might also be because he could be amazing for a drunk night. I'm the one in the group who accepts new people. Next one is too tall for his own good but whatever. He is smoking hot also so that is a big plus. He wears amazing clothes. Blonde, but he can pull it off(together with my clothes because damn). Lip ring and he is as I said before: Fucking smoking hot. Next one is so tan that I think he could be a kiwi or some kiwi. I don't know but it seems right. Blonde streaks in very dark curly hair. Hot too and has tattoos. He could fuck me anytime too because yeah well I'm a sucker for hot guys. Lastly there is a black haired guy. Looks kinda punk rock with his leather jacket on. Seems like he has some scars on the side of his face. Really fucking hot in every fucking way even though he doesn't seem as pumped as the others do. At least one tattoo on his middle finger.

"I'm Ashton," The guy with too long hair speaks up and then presents the blonde as Luke, the kiwi as Calum and punk as Michael.

"Cool enough. Hey Jamie when are we meeting with the others?" I look at Jamie who is already drinking of the bottle of rum I apparently took with me because one of the bottles in my hand is gone.

"At uhm... 12 o'clock I think. Billie wanted to fuck some guy before she came. Or after she came. And we are meeting at Jamies." I realize I still have the joint in my hand and place it between my lips while nodding at the message.

"Wait aren't she Jamie?" I sigh deeply and look at Ashton before inhaling and exhaling.

"Yes but we also has a guy named Jamie." A fake smile pops up on my lips and Michael sends me an irritated glance.

"Don't need to be a bitch." A voice I don't know says those 6 words that always make me crazy pissed. I look at Michael because I just know that it was him. Jamie who was talking to Luke suddenly stops because she knows what those words does to me. It reminds me of that son of a bitch and I step very close to Michael while looking at me with as much hate I can pull together.

"Don't you fucking dare ever say that again! I will kill you. I will make you fear those words as much as I fear them and I will make you wish you never ever said those words. Are we fucking clear?" I look into Michaels green irises who seemed to get slightly darker. Michael slowly nods and I smile.

"Good. Someone want anything to drink? We have rum and something."

No one who just met me should be allowed to know that piece of me. The group knows because they got involved at that time but I don't tell them that it still scares the living crap out of me.

I just want to keep this part of myself hidden for these GUYS. They're new and I don't want they know how empty I am. No one can ever know about that.

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Hope you liked this chapter ! I don't know if I'll be able to update that frequently next week since I'm going on vacation but I'll try.

-J