𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞'𝐬 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 (𝐠𝐱𝐠)

Chapter twelve- haunting echoes

Later that night I hear the alarm going off in the hall indicating that someone on the floor requires urgent medical help. I can't sleep anyway, so I slowly make my way down the hall following where the nurses and surgeons run to. I observe them rushing to help the person and keeping them alive, I stand facing the room's window watching the scene unfold in front of my eyes.

It all happens so fast, surgeons performing CPR on the tiny body only for it not to work. Then the crash card, load to 150...clear...shock...again. Nothing seems to make the heart start pulsating again, too damaged to work. They seem to realize that it won't work, time of death 04:04, all of them retract from the body taking a few steps back.

Only then I manage to get a glimpse on the person', I gulp seeing the inanimateness on her pale face. It's Tavora, tears are flowing rapidly down my cheeks. I knew she had no chance of survival, but this? She deserved to at least speak her final goodbye before going.

The sweet Tavora... I look around searching for her name tag "Criston". Tavora Criston, such a lovely name, my poor unlucky little girl is in heaven now. She has gone through so much pain and mental torture, it's horrible to even start to imagine what she has been through.

I start feeling nauseous, so I quickly rush back to my room's bathroom and throw up in the toilet. The taste burns in my throat making me get water to wash it away right after. At least she got to share her last pain with me a little now.

I'm glad I got to make her happy on her last day on earth, she deserved to be happy at all times. Unfortunately fate decided otherwise leaving her with immaculate suffering and overly busy parents. None of this was fair but life isn't and will never be, you must accept and get over it. There will always be cruel things happening, it's not your choice.

All the previous feelings of comfort and safety provided by Jade vanished, leaving my mind filled with the cruelty of our world. We all know it wasn't made for us, otherwise there would be no diseases or potential danger that could harm or even kill us. But over the time we adjusted, invented medicine and nursed people back to help. Many research papers have been written by the smartest minds in our world fluctuating what has been known to the human brain.

We got used to taking pain killers or going to the doctor if we felt any pain, but decades ago no one got any real help to mild the suffering. So we can be happy to live in the present instead of year hundreds back where there were blood baths every few months, people longing for war and killing.

I'm glad people changed at least the image of what they want, we might still be materialistic but most of us don't long for killing but for money. Being able to spend money how we want it is one of our main goals, it's just how the world works. Money is the fundamental value of our existence. You can't be fully happy without it, that's nothing I will ever be able to believe. How can you settle not knowing whether you can afford enough food for the month without slacking on the rent. It would worry us all so much and leave us in constant distress.

My parents act so possessive of their money it's almost unhealthy, whenever they give me money they ask for the receipt of what I have bought. So they can control what for I spend my money, they even have access to my bank account. Not that they would ever steal anything, they've got more than enough themselves. They are just very controlling, my mother not as much but she likes to know the basics of everything I do.

I need permission for almost everything and whenever I go out I need to be reachable all the time. Whenever I don't answer my phone they will punish me without even letting me speak nor elucidate the situation. Once they start loosing control of anything they start going crazy and blow up my phone. It's always me who's done something wrong, of course it's not their mess up. It's always my fault.

~
"Why the fuck didn't you answer your phone when I called you? That's the only reason I even got you one." My father spit out at me, his facial expression showing rage mixed with frustration. My body trembled with fear, my anxiety rising above normal. "I-" I tried to speak and explain myself before he interrupted me again. "You know what I don't even care why. You probably were ignoring me on purpose." He said angrily. But the tears in my face reflected the pain of his words. I would have never ignore him on purpose, I knew what it would lead to. "Give me your phone." He growled, I stood still fear infused. "Give. Me. Your. Phone. Victoria." He repeats making me scurry over to grab it and give it to him. He just ripped it out of my hand scratching my finger with his nail. Not on purpose but it hurt nevertheless, drops of blood coming from the sharp cut on my thumb.
~

I stroke over the place on my thumb feeling the little remaining scar. I look at myself in the mirror seeing tears running down my cheeks. I didn't even realise I started crying again. I wipe them away with a tissue and blow out my nose. I instantly take a deep breath calming myself down a little.

But even right now I still feel undeserving. Why do I get to survive but not Tavora, in which fucked up parallel universe is that fair? I don't deserve this, I did that to myself, I had a choice. But her, she didn't do anything but bring joy to this earth making everyone around her sparkly personality shine. I didn't ask for this second chance, I would have gladly given it to her. She was deserving of it more than anyone, her soul was so pure.

I walk over to the only table in this plain white room, I put my head in my hands. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I still get to be here but she doesn't. I'm stuck, and then the thing with Jade. She was the whole reason I ended up feeling like this. I grab a piece of paper and start writing. My brain won't let me rest properly until I once for all discussed everything with Jade, yet at the same time it's not letting me talk to her. So instead I'm choosing this, a simple and elegant way to get her to explain. Plus it doesn't require as much energy as it would in person to explain my side.

Dear Jade,

You have never once left my mind since the accident. I came to some conclusions about our situation but I need you to hear me out first.
What happened really hurt me and it was the cause of my accident. I am not telling you this so you can blame yourself but I do not want to lie or hide that fact from you. It all got too much and I lost control, I do not regret any of it though. I deserved this car crash.
I never imagined I would see you like this with some woman, and even less after we have built whatever we had, or still somehow have. It is unfortunate but oh well, we have to work through it now. There is no way around it.
I processed most of it now and am ready to hear your explanation of it. I still have not forgiven you but I am giving you another chance. You deserve at least that, it would pain me too much to leave this... us unfinished.
We should speak soon, not over the phone though. I want to do this in person once I am back from the hospital. Take care Jade.

Love,
Victoria

Hiii babes, I know today's chapter was a little sad but let's hope for better days. Remember to eat x