Sorry but i can't... Kim Seungmin FF

Chapter 21-Protection over Love (With a big L)

Shin-Sus Pov

The more I think about it and the more I think that I have to talk with Seungmin about us.

To talk about our feelings and that kiss that wasnt only desire but more serious it was an honest kiss.

So my plan of today is to catch Seungmin alone and to talk with him, that he want it or not because its eating my thoughts an I dont feel like handling it anymore.

First I try to talk normally with him, I ask him what he is going to do today, he is being a bit suspicious about me but it doesnt really matter if he is the one asking me first about it.

It will just help me telling him so yeah.

Me: Hey Seungmin

Seungmin: Heyy? Is everything alright? You look weird

Me: Yeah, I wanted to talk about something with you if you have the time

Seungmin: Well I have nothing to do today

Me: Its about something that happened pretty recently and I have to talk about it. I talk about it daily and its not really cool, its making me frustrated.

Its going pretty good I guess?

Seungmin: And what is this thing?

Me: I kissed someone

His eyes that were pretty neutral turned into some kind of relaxed attitude turned into some more serious expression, having a frown on his face, biting his lip.

He clearly didnt liked what he just heard.

He swallowed hard, trying to hide it but no use, he stretched himself better in his chair in an uncomfortable way but still natural.

I looked at him straight in he eyes, this man was being an open book for the first time. He racked his fingers by intertwining them together and that, that was really hot, he had his jointed hands posed on his knees while his legs were crossed in a beautiful black suit.

He was mad and frustrated, clearly, that made me weak and melt.

Seungmin: You did? When? Where? With who?

Me: It happened not so long ago, around like 1 or 2 weeks, I was under a desk and the person is a guy that I really appreciate and I wished to talk about that kiss with him

I looked down as I could see a little of a smirk forming onto his lips, he went back to a normal Seungmin state, letting appear a smirk, a few loud sighs and a lot of mixed emotions in his eyes while being perfectly calm.

Seungmin: How was that kiss?

Me: Powerful yet really gentle, that smile felt a lot different that the ones before.

Seungmin: How many times did you 2 kissed before this time where it felt special?

He was clearly enjoying this little game between the two of us and the tension was building up even more, minutes by minutes and seconds by seconds.

A mere look of lust in his eyes, he was clearly having the hardest tile of his life holding back his bestial impulses.

I was just here, standing in front of him, my legs almost giving up on his fierce staring.

Me: around 2 or 3 times but they were just kiss in the moment, some euhm tension?

Seungmin: Do you have any idea on his feelings and how he is witnessing and feeling this situation?

This is when we got into the real things

Me: I think that this tension is reciprocated but he might be scared because the situation isnt that great. Were from 2 different worlds but I cant just ignore what I feel too. I stay a human and him too with feelings and needs.

Seungmin: Maybe that from his side it is just sexual attraction

He swallowed, I swallowed, we both swallowed and my heart could give up on me at any moment.

Me: Are you saying that this situation could be one sided?

He closed his heart, his eyes becoming heavy and he looked at me straight in the eyes, his voice without emotion

Seungmin: Could be how about you ask him?

Me: Will I regret it?

Seungmin: You never know something until you try out, even if its not the answer you hoped it was.

Me: Do you feel the same?

Seungmin: Do you want me to answer honestly?

I look at him and I hesitate, should I or should I not? A difficult question, for a difficult situation and 2 difficult persons.

Me: Yes, I wan to know if you felt what I felt, that it was special, I want to know if you thought about it since then, I want to know if you feel the same even though that our situation is sorting out of a new romance mafia kinda book.

Seungmin: I did thought about it, I felt your feelings but you know, I never loved, what is making you think that I do? Maybe that it is just you and your imagination.

Me: If I kissed you right now, would you kiss me back with the same emotion I felt that day?

Seungmin: What makes you think that this is what I want and that this is what Im going to do?

Me: Im the one asking the questions, you answer, nothing else, just fucking answer!

Seungmin: Ask me the fucking question then

Me: Do you fucking love me? Kim Seungmin

Seungmin: I dont

Me: Im going to ask you a second time and after that, youll never hear from me and my feelings again, I dont give a fuck if I am being killed, youre the only one I have. No one really ever cared for me, I dont feel like just being a friend, a person you just know and want to have sex with, I can deal with the mafia world, I can learn how to fight so Do you love me?

Seungmin: Do I? He sighs

He waits a few seconds and speak up again

Seungmin: For you, what is love?

Me: Love is someone that makes you smile no matter what, that makes your heart beat, that alwauys gets your interest, you could do anything for them, you would give your life for them, the only mere thought of losing them drives you crazy. Learning all the dark side of him wouldnt even scare you away, you just love them even more, you want to know every side about them. They make you feel safe and loved. They make you feel alive Even with the darkest past or memories

Seungmin: Does the Dark past something really matter? You dont want to know this side of me. I killed hundreds of people, I tortured people, I opened them while being alive, I cut their fingers, little piece by little piece hearing every bone make a clear sound and I enjoyed it, they deserved it. I drowned and burned people alive, I did horrible things, you are not safe with me.

Me: But you do love me, you just want to protect me...

Seungmin: I'm sorry but I can't...

He looks down and I walk to him, I kiss him.

KKEUT! See you next time hehe, thank you to all the people who reads my story.

Peace!