OC Oneshots

38

OC: Coulter (he/him) (again)
Species: former Dragon Rider
Universe: ???

TW ATTEMPTED SUICIDE (I've written two of these now something is wrong with me (again not a reflection of my own mental health))

Coulter pulled out his sword and stared at it.

It was a very pale blue, the color of snow in the Spine in the early morning before the sun kissed it gold. The same color as Glacies’ scales.

What if I joined her...

I could join her. I'm just a burden to the Sanctuary anyway. They don't need to drag around a depressed hunk of flesh.

Distantly, as if he was watching himself do it, Coulter raised the sword to his chest.

The door flew open so forcefully that it cracked when it slammed against the wall.

“Coulter!” Miriam shrieked. “No!”

She stomped over to him, wrenched the sword out of his hand, and tossed it to the other side of the room.

“Miriam, I have to,” Coulter protested. “I don't want to drag you down anymore.”

“You're not dragging me down!” Miriam insisted.

“I am! Everything reminds me of her… Miriam, I haven't healed. I was lying to make you feel better.”

“But you're healing,” Miriam reasoned. “I can see it. Even if you can't.”

Coulter stood up and tried to go around her to get his sword. Miriam grabbed his arm to stop him. “Please,” she begged. “You were doing so well.”

Coulter yanked away. “I wasn't,” he growled, raising his voice. “I'm still empty!"

He picked up his sword, but Miriam shot it out of his hand with her crossbow, stomped over to him, and shoved him back onto the bed. “Who are you, Coulter?”

“I'm nothing,” Coulter snarled. "I'm nothing, Mir, why can't you see that? Without her, I'm worthless."

Miriam's face was the most serious he'd ever seen it. “That's not true. Who are you?”

Coulter searched for an answer.

He found nothing.

Miriam glared at him. “Let me tell you, then,” she said. “To me, you are an important part of this team. You have helped countless people and creatures. You fought in a war and lived. You had the strength to try again after Glacies passed. And you're a good friend.”

“I only tried again because you dragged me through a portal,” Coulter shot back.

Miriam shook her head. “I gave you a choice. You walked through that portal on your own. Coulter, you're stronger than you think you are, and I can't lose you now. I wouldn't- I don't know if I'd be able to handle another loss. Please.”

She grabbed his shoulder gently but firmly, as if it would stop his ghost from floating out of his body.

Coulter hesitated.

He pushed Miriam’s hand off him and sat up, but he didn't try to get his sword again.

“What do you know about it?” he growled. “What do you know about losing everything- being a prisoner in your own mind, feeling closed off from everything-”

“More than you think,” Miriam admitted, sitting next to him.

Coulter waited for her to elaborate.

“My world was destroyed when I was eight,” Miriam said. “I'm the only survivor, that I know of. Nothing remains of that world. It's just void now. My family, my friends, my gods, they're all gone, like they never existed. My memories of them have started to fade. And- well, the best way to help yourself is to help others, right?”

She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

Coulter was quiet for a minute.

“Yeah, you're broken,” Miriam said softly. “But so am I.”

“You're not healed, either,” Coulter realized.

Miriam hesitated, then she shook her head. “I'm working on it, though. Saving worlds, helping people, helping you and Solus and Talia- it makes me feel like I'm someone. Thinking about other people makes me think less of myself.”

“It's a distraction.”

Miriam slowly nodded. “In a way. You have the opposite problem. You help people, but your heart isn't in it. It isn't working for you because you won't let it- you can't get help you won't accept.”

Coulter blinked. “Excuse me?”

Miriam picked up his sword. “Is it okay if I take this? I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

Coulter looked away. “Sure, I guess.”

Miriam looked at him with concern, then walked over and wrapped him in a hug. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I thought that the same thing that helped me would help you… That was dumb. You’re a different person from me.”

Coulter hesitantly hugged her back.

“Just don’t try this again, okay?” Miriam told him. "We'll figure something out. We always have."

“...I won't.”

~~~

...welp

- Indigo