She was a nucleus of light

Bloody Night

"They are like scorpions, silent and stealthy, invisible; you never know when and how they'll emerge from under which rock. Before you know it, their venomous sting has pierced your flesh, and you shudder your tail." This is what the Regiment Commander, Commando Colonel, had said. With the Colonel's words echoing in his ears, İsmail was on guard at the cave's entrance at four in the night. On one side of the cave, where infiltration was possible, stood Mustafa from Manisa, son of railway worker Salih: on the other, Kerem from Zonguldak, son of miner Yılmaz. The air was hot and humid, perfect scorpion weather. İbrahim, son of Urfalı Yorgancı Recep, was snoring loudly, shaking the cave walls, and amidst the noise, the soldiers, exhausted from searching the mountains all day, clutched their rifles and slept with their backpacks under their heads. But there was someone in the cave who wasn't asleep. Specialist Cemal. The Specialist had lit his cigarette, and with each puff, his face illuminated by the glowing tip, his eyes shining like those of a lone wolf in the smoke exhaled through his mouth and nose.

İsmail had seen Zehra four months ago, and he had been in the mountains for ten days without any communication. Zehra's pale, sorrowful face as she rested her head on his chest, sobbing, "Every night I wake up to Azrael's whisper, the cold look of death in your eyes doesn't leave my mind, the morning never comes," was always on his mind. He could still feel Zehra's warmth in his chest. They last spoke on the phone, and Zehra saying that dialysis was helping had somewhat comforted him, but she couldn't live like this, attached to a machine. He was determined to find a definitive solution as soon as he was discharged. He would either give his kidney if it matched or find one that did for his Zehra. His eyes caught the stars. In the absence of the Moon, they shone brightly, seemingly communicating with each other in the majestic silence of the dark. The infinite vastness, the revolving planets, stars, suns, galaxies... His high school physics teacher had said the universe was still expanding. İsmail thought to himself, "My God, who said 'I raised the heavens without pillars, I hung the stars on their ceilings,' you know how small and pitiful we are, yet why do you give us such great troubles?"

"You're lost in thought, Sergeant İsmail,"

"My mind is on my Zehra, sir, you know she's sick."

"Your mind will be on no one! Your mind and eyes will be on the enemy! Otherwise, you'll lose your life and never see those on your mind again!"

When the sparks in Specialist Cemal's eyes, which brought one to their senses and lined them up, shone in the night's darkness, İsmail stood at attention and whispered, "Yes, sir."

The fiery eyes of Specialist Cemal, which sparked when he was angry, both frightened and warmed İsmail, who trusted and liked Cemal. Next to Specialist Commando Cemal, who, with his fiery, bold eyes and powerful heart, resembled a war god, İsmail and his commando role were like water pistols beside a heavy machine gun.

"You think I don't miss anyone?" Cemal's voice was softer this time, but the fire in his eyes was brighter and more scorching. Taking a deep drag from his cigarette, he continued, "Especially tonight... Cigarette after cigarette... My daughters' eyes have never left my sight... Today was my little girl Elif's birthday, and I couldn't even call to congratulate her... I miss them... I miss them so much... But no! No weakness! No daydreaming, no sleeping, no thinking for us! We are commanders! If you, I, or the guards fall asleep, the soldiers sleeping in the cave will never wake up again! They won't see their Zehras, Elifs, mothers, fathers, wives, daughters, or sons!" He extinguished his cigarette and stepped out of the cave.

***

Far below in a village, a few elders were performing ablutions at the fountain, waiting for the call to prayer. In the dark, a woman, with sleepy motherly tenderness in her eyes, was nursing her baby, waiting for the light. The soldiers on guard, the mountain, and everything living and non-living in the mountain, were waiting for the light...