She was a nucleus of light

A Short Break

 He held her small, delicate hands, fearing he might hurt them. He was astonished... The hands he held before were not the same as those he knew and loved. It was as if he were facing a beauty that could captivate the mind, a beauty one would hesitate to touch, a beauty worth dying for. In a brick-red nightgown that displayed all the allure of her femininity and ignited his desire to explore its hidden charms, Zehra's grape-black eyes, shy and innocent glances, made her seem like a timid gazelle. He was breathless. Wanting to say something nice to ease Zehra's shyness, his lips moved, but no sound came out. İsmail had never been good with words. As he often did, he conveyed what he wanted to express, the love he couldn't put into words, and his sincere, pure feelings through his blue eyes, looking at his wife with affection and embracing her. He kissed her small, hennaed hands that disappeared between his big hands, then placed a warm, sincere, reassuring kiss on her forehead. The scent of womanhood emanating from Zehra's skin was igniting his blood, making him wild, burning with an irresistible desire to possess her, and he struggled to control this desire, trying not to do anything rough that would hurt or upset Zehra. He slowly reached for her desired lips and kissed them... His brain managed to overcome the primal urge to possess her that he feared would ruin everything, and he succeeded in kissing his wife passionately but not crudely, with love. Although Zehra's tender femininity and her pleasant scent made his head spin, and sparks from her lips ignited fires in his male body, he hadn't subjected his beloved to any aggression that would disappoint her. He was happy with the indescribable moments of beauty his young wife lying on his chest was giving him. He caressed, smelled, and admired her pure, innocent beauty, imagining making love naked, his blood boiling, experiencing pleasurable awakenings he couldn't control. The more İsmail caressed, smelled, and kissed, the closer Zehra nestled to him, the feminine and masculine sparks starting to flare up between them ignited their bodies, and they found themselves in inescapable flames, succumbing to temptation... Succumbing was wonderful...

***

"What's wrong, man? Why are you tossing and turning? Stop shaking the bunk, will you!"

"Man, I'm used to the mountains, the smell of the mountains, the rocks and pebbles poking into my back, sides, and hips, the smell of grass, I'm used to resting my head on my backpack, sleeping wrapped in my camouflage gear, boots, and holding my gun, I'm used to the cave... Here, in just my underwear, bare feet, on a soft bed, pillow, sheets smelling of detergent, with lights and all... I just can't sleep!"

"So you're saying you've become a bear, lost your humanity."

"Screw you!"

"Go to sleep, you bear, go to sleep!"

İsmail's eyes left Zehra's grape-black eyes and returned to the barracks of the Mountain and Commando Brigade with the echo of that "Go to sleep!" He gently placed the photo he held under his pillow while memories of their first nights were still vivid in his mind. But now he had to sleep, sleep and gather strength, for what might happen tomorrow was always uncertain. Living here was hard, dying was easy. Why was living so difficult? Could it be that God wanted it this way? Or was it the people who made it hard? "It's fate!" he murmured. He curled up like a pill bug in his bed. He remembered his childhood... The days when he went fishing with his grandfather during summer vacations, when the streams were full of fish, clean and gushing, not polluted, not devastated by hydroelectric plants. He recalled the conversations with his grandfather. It was his grandfather who first tried to explain to him what fate was when he was twelve or thirteen:

While being captivated by the soothing, heartwarming music of nature composed of the sound of the wind resembling a blown ney, the rustle of newly sprouted leaves, the murmur of the stream, and the chirping of birds, he had crumpled up all his questions in his mind, feeling happy, watching the float on the water quietly and calmly. After a while, the fresh air filled with the scent of wildflowers entering his lungs with every breath had made his grandfather doze off. Thus, it was only İsmail who saw the float's slight dip, its brief plunge into the water, followed by a more profound dive with a twist, and when he shouted, "Grandpa, look at your fishing rod!" his grandfather had pulled the fish out of the water with a speed and skill İsmail had not expected. When the fish, which was too big for his small hands, slipped from his grip, İsmail had resorted to covering the fish with his body, managing to get the animal caught between his stomach and the ground out of the hook, but he had gotten wet and smelled of fish. With the smell of fish in his nose, he had scolded his grandfather, "You were sleeping, grandpa, you almost missed the big fish!" His grandfather had replied: