Time to move on- Ruben Dias

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For the last four years everyone has thought my life has been perfect they see my successful career being a ceo of a worldwide corporation and my boyfriend who has won everything with his football club and they only see perfection. For the first three years they would've been right my life was pretty perfect it was busy but it was perfect but the last year has been anything but. 

I met Ruben while we were both still in Portugal after I just got my big breakthrough in my company and we hit it off straight away. When he told me he was moving to Manchester to play for Man City I moved with him with no hesitation and we built our careers from there. I go to as many matches as possible and I have been there for all of his biggest achievements and he has been there for all of mine. He was there the night that I got the call to tell me I got the role as ceo and I was there when he won the champions league all the big things that have happened in our lives have happened together. Our lives are so intertwined that I don't know who I would be without him. 

This last year hasn't been as picture perfect though. The two of us are no longer on the same page like we always were which has led to us fighting a lot more than we did the previous three years combined. I would like to settle down get engaged and married and think about starting a family as I'm stable in my career and I want to have a family while I still have the time and energy but Ruben just keeps saying he isn't ready yet. Every time anyone brings up marriage he shies away from the conversation and says it's something for the future but that's always been the case. He said the same thing 3 years ago as he does today and I understand not feeling ready because for a while I didn't but it just seems as though he will never be ready, he seems comfortable with where we are and he doesn't want to change that. 

For the last few months I have absorbed myself into my work to try and distract myself from the fact that I'm not happy at home anymore. I still love Ruben with my whole heart but I have been starting to think we aren't right for each other at least not anymore. I can't see myself having been with anyone else for the last four years but I don't know if going forward he's the right one for me. It's that thought that I've been trying to distract myself from because it's hard to think about. No one wants to end a four year relationship which is why all of this is so hard to think about I mean what will my life be like without Ruben he's always there when I get home and he knows me better than I know myself sometimes what will I do without him. I know I'm capable of living without Ruben but that doesn't mean I don't think it will be hard and that I want to do it. 

Everyone else in my life has noticed that I haven't been as happy the past few months my friends keep trying to ask what's going on but I don't want to tell them as I know they will tell me to talk to Ruben and if things don't go well then end it but I don't want to hear that. Even though I know deep down that's what needs to happen I want someone to tell me it will all work out even if it's a lie. Last week I finally told my mum how I've been feeling and we had a good heart to heart conversation where I told her all of my feelings and the options I have and she gave me advice on everything I could do which has made me feel a lot better. That conversation is the reason why I told Ruben that we need to talk tonight which has been weighing on me all day but it needs to be done. 

Ruben arrived home and he'd clearly been thinking about our conversation all day which I feel bad about but this has to be done. He told me he was going to shower first and gave me a quick kiss but I could tell it was mostly out of habit his heart wasn't in the kiss he was so nervous about what I wanted to talk about. This is the first time we've had a serious conversation like this so I'm nervous too I don't really know how to say what I want to say. It wasn't long before Ruben came back and it was time to get my thought off my chest. 

"Is everything ok I haven't done anything to upset you have I" Ruben asked 

"No you haven't done anything I just think we need to talk about us and the future" I said 

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