Middle Child Syndrome- Ian Gallagher

relapsed

The next few weeks were less than ideal. Ever since the day Mandy told us that Mickey was getting married, Ian seemed off. We still spent time together, but he was never mentally there with me. Even when we were having sex, he'd either go soft or not even be able to get it up. 

He was over at my place one time after school, and I gave him a blow job when I felt him go soft in my mouth. It was the fourth time it happened.

I got off him and started to get annoyed.

"Alright, what's going on with you?" I said. 

"Nothing. I'm sorry."

"Ian, don't lie to me," I said, putting my shirt back on, "Something's going on, and I want to know now."

I waited for an answer, but I didn't get one. 

"Is this about Mickey?"

"What?" Ian said, his tone shaky, "Athena, come on, I-

"Is this about Mickey?!" I said.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ACTING WEIRD EVER SINCE MANDY TOLD YOU HE'S MARRYING A PREGNANT WHORE!" I yelled.

 I only yelled like that when I was fed up, and you better believe I was fed up. I could deal with my boyfriend being bisexual, but I couldn't deal with him not being straight up with me. Ian looked taken aback too, but then he shook his head.

"What do you want me to say, Athena?" 

"I want you to tell the truth!" I said.

"Ok, yes, it is about Mickey," Ian said, "I just- I don't know. This whole thing doesn't seem right. He's gay, and I know what we had was real. It's just not right because he's hiding from who he is."

"That sucks, but at the same time it's not your problem," I said, "And you're with me now. Why do you care?"

Ian didn't say anything, which only confirmed my fear.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" I teared up as the words came out of my mouth. 

He started tearing up too. I sucked in a breath and threw his shirt at him.

"Get out," I said. 

"Athena, don't do this. Please, I-

I lowered my eyes as tears fell down my face, "I said get out. I can't be around you right now."

"I love you," Ian said shakily.

"No, you don't," I said bitterly, "You don't love me! You never did. You love the idea of me, and you love being loved. And most of all, you love using me."

"That's not true," Ian said as he started crying, "That's not true. I love you so much. Please, I'll do anything to make you believe that."

He tried to touch my cheek, but I just pushed it away, "Please. Go."

Without another word, he put his clothes back on. But before he left, he turned to me.

"Everything I said and everything I did, I meant it. You were never a second choice."

As soon as I heard the door close from downstairs, I fell onto my bed and sobbed. I wasn't just sad. I was mad. At Ian, at myself, at the whole world.

I continued crying when I heard someone knock on my door. It was my dad. We hadn't spoken much since the incident.

"Dad?" I said weakly.

Without a word, he walked to me and hugged me. I started sobbing all over again.