Middle Child Syndrome- Ian Gallagher

you left me

There was this whole thing with Frank dying but also getting married at the same time. I wasn't sure, though. My mind was occupied with other things.

Ian came back to mine after and sat down on my bed.

"When'd you relapse?" He asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lied, "I'm clean."

He just looked at me. He was angry, and I knew I couldn't lie to him anymore.

"You wanna know the truth?" I said, "First night I went to California. Right after you left."

Ian scoffed, "Oh, so this is my fault?"

"When did I say that?"

"You didn't. You implied it."

I threw my hands up and raised my voice, "What was I supposed to do?! You LEFT me! You left me to go to the army, and I thought I was never going to see you again. How was I supposed to cope with that?!"

"Not by relapsing!" he yelled back. 

"You don't understand what it's like for me!" I said, "You have no idea how hard it is to stay clean."

"Athena, you brought that on yourself!" Ian said, "You were the one who wanted to end things, not me."

"Yes, because I was mad at you!" I said, "Not because I stopped loving you! I needed some time to cool down. When you said goodbye to me, I thought you came to talk things out, which was what I wanted!"

"Then why didn't you say anything?!"

"I DID!" I yelled, "I begged you not to leave. I begged you to stay, and you still fucking left me!"

"You should've tried harder!"

As I was about to yell back, a little voice in my head told me to take a deep breath and calm down, so I did.

"Ian," I said, "You're your own person. At the end of the day, I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. If you love someone, let them go."

"If you truly love me, I need you to promise me one thing," he said, "I need you to stay clean. I can't have you going off the deep end. I love you too much to watch you go through that."

Ian held my face in his hands, "I need you to do that for me."

I nodded slowly, "I promise. I love you."

"I love you too," he said, kissing my forehead, then my nose, then my lips. We made out slowly and passionately, slowly taking our shirts off.

Ian moved his lips down to my neck, grabbing my hair as I closed my eyes and gasped. 

"I missed this," he said against my skin.

"You have no idea how much I missed this," I said as he took my bra off.

I turned us around so he was pinned on my bed. My hand trailed down to his zipper as I undid his pants and pulled his boxers down. 

"Oh my god," he breathed out, grabbing onto my hair as I went up and down. It didn't take long, only a few strokes for him to release into my mouth.

As I wiped my mouth and swallowed, Ian turned me around and pulled my pajama shorts and underwear off me.

I threw my head back and moaned as he hit the sweet spot. Ian loved it when I pushed his head in further, so I grabbed his head and pushed it.

"Oh, oh my god," I gasped, "I'm close. I'm close."

Before the pit in my stomach formed, Ian got off me and smirked.