[in progress] As hearts collide {chicklit}

Chapter nine - friends?

By the time Monday rolled around, I was an emotional bundle of nerves. Not just about the awkward goodbye with Alex, but what would Jim would say. We hadn't spoken since locking eyes on Friday and I was hoping to catch him through the window like we used to, but he hadn't opened his bedroom curtains.

Taking a final bag check to make sure I had everything for school, the doorbell rang, making my breath hitch and my anxiety spike. Though I knew who it would be, I was still somewhat surprised when I opened the door to see a sheepish Jim, eyes to the floor, standing on the step.

"Oh-hey, how was your weekend?" I asked nervously, hoping to meet his gaze.
"Fine... you ready?" His response was pointed and as he fumbled awkwardly with his bag strapped, I was aware that he still hadn't met my eyesight. Sighing, I grabbed my bag and took one final glance in the hallway mirror, screwing up my nose at the reflection before following him out the door.

The first few minutes were laden with unspoken hostility - our footsteps felt slower and more laboured, like trudging through honey on a hot summer's day.

Unable to hold it in anymore, I stepped in front of Jim, forcing him to halt. "I can't stand this J, we have to talk about it."

He scoffed, running a hand through his hair, making it stand up in different directions. "We don't have anything to talk about."
"Well that's a lie," I replied, sarcastically. Before I could stop it, my stream of consciousness took over. "Look, Alex came round to hang out and I wanted to invite you, but I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or not. So I didn't and I'm sorry... and then we watched a film and then I must have said something  because he left abruptly and then as he left, he kissed me on the cheek, but I turned and it sort of caught the edge of my lips and I was mortified, and then I saw you through the window and it must've looked so dodgy... And I'm sorry for being a shit friend because I should've invited you round in the first place."

Admission over, I stood there nervously shifting from foot to foot in expectation. Jim looked me in the eyes and then, without warning, started to laugh. Real bent over, sidesplitting laughter that caused his bag to drop to the ground with a thud. His reaction both delighted and annoyed me.

"Oh ha-bloody-ha... thanks for making me feel like even more of a loser! If that's even possible!" I cried, a little upset, but relieved that some of the awkwardness had subsided.

His laughter died down and Jim straightened, cheeks pink and eyes shining. He placed his hands on my shoulders, rooting me to the ground and relaxing me. "I'm sorry I was pissed off. You said you wasn't interested in him so I saw you both I thought - well it doesn't matter... I shouldn't have reacted like that. We're all friends, you know you can invite me over if you want to, and if you don't - that's cool too. Just make sure you tell Alex you're not interested, yeah?" I nodded silently and I tried to ignore the butterflies swirling in my stomach at the sound of Alex's name.

Jim picked up his bag from the floor and we continued to walk to school as if nothing happened, our previously awkward encounter blown away with the breeze. But the butterflies didn't die down until we reached the school gates.

At break time, I headed to the library to search for a book for Art class and heard my name in the distance.
Turning, I saw Alex and Jim heading towards me.
"Hey!" I called, trying to keep my greeting light and my nerves at bay.
"Where are you off to?" Alex asked, his sultry tones sounding a little flirtatious.
"Oh, just to the library - need a book for my art project."
"Cool, can we come with?"
Jim looked to Alex, as if perplexed by his desire to join me at the library, before looking to me expectantly.
"Erm... ok? If you want?" I tried to sound noncommittal, but come across more standoffish than I was hoping for.
Alex searched my eyes, as if trying to understand what was going through my mind. Clearly, I wasn't playing this situation well. "If you don't want us to, we can-"
"No, it's fine! Come if you want." I jump in, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Jim looked on confused and Alex let me lead the way. I walked on at a fast pace, silently cursing myself for acting like such a fool.
Alex sped up to meet my pace and cleared his throat.
"Thanks for having me round on Friday, I had fun. Sorry I left a bit abruptly."
I shrug, unable to meet his eyes. I know if I do, my awkwardness at our encounter will be too obvious.
"We should do it again soon." Alex nudges me gently with his arm and I instinctively stiffen. Nerves prickled at my skin, threatening to stick through like the spikes of a cactus.

My palms were sweating and I could feel my heart pounding out my chest. Panicked, I asked, "How about this weekend? Jim, you up for doing something all together?" I briefly looked over my shoulder at Jim. He cleared his throat and looked between Alex and I. "Uh... yI don't think I have any plans..."

Alex wore an indecipherable expression his face, but answered "...cool." A few seconds later he slowed pace to walk with Jim.

Reaching the confines of the library, I opened the doors and my senses were filled with the smell of musty books. It was so familiar and comforting; my mum worked at a library, so Sam and I were often sat in there, noses in a book whilst she was on shift each Saturday. Walking over to the art section, I noticed the boys hadn't come in, and turned to see Jim and Alex stood outside talking. I watched them briefly and noticed that Alex seemed frustrated. Jim was talking calmly, but Alex's arms were wildly gesticulating. Jim shrugged and Alex walked away. As he opened the door, I quickly moved to the art section to find the book I needed.

"Hey... you found what you're looking for?" He asked, head peering around the corner. I pulled the Gustav Klimt book from the shelf and smiled.
"I have... everything ok?"
Jim nodded, but the frown etched across his features betrayed him.
"What's wrong?" I ask quietly.
"I think Alex is pissed off that I agreed to hang out this weekend. I think he was hoping to have you to himself. I'm fine not to come, I-"
"No," I interrupted him before he could continue. "I want you both there."
He laughed lightly. "Ok, Em... l'll be there."
I smiled again, feeling the butterflies once again swirling. "Good."
"Right, let's get you this book before the bell rings!"

I followed him over to the desk and hand over my school pass to borrow the book. As we walked towards the door, the bell sounded, signalling the end of break.
"I better get to English... don't worry about Al, he'll be alright. See you at lunch?"
"You better!" I warned, raising my hand to wave goodbye. He smirked and headed off in the opposite direction.

Making my way through the sea of students clambering to their next class, I couldn't help but think about Alex. I definitely like hanging out with him and maybe, even have a bit of a crush on him. But I don't want to wreck my friendship with Jim by dating his mate. We've only just grown close again and that would ruin everything.

When I walked out the art room for lunch, I spied Alex already waiting for me. As I walked over to him, nerves caused my mouth to dry.
"Hey... ready for lunch?" I asked, throat a little husky.
"Yeah... can we talk?" Alex raked his hand through his hair and nodded towards the other end of the hallway. I followed his direction and watched as he casually leant against the wall.
"Are you ok?" He asked, eyes searching mine.
The intensity was too much, so I looked down and started to pick the frayed edge of my school jumper.
"Yeah, I'm good." I looked back to him and instinctively bite my lip, his eye-line immediately drawn to them.
His expression was dark. "Ok. It's just that - I thought we were getting along on Friday and now you seem to have... I dunno, changed your mind?"
I exhaled deeply. "I'm not - it wasn't... I didn't mean to mislead you... if I did, I'm sorry."
Alex shifted his posture and sighed.
"Did I do something?"
"Not at all. We barely know each other-"
"That's not true; you know more about me that most people I've been friends with for ages! I thought we were getting on-"
"We are!"
Alex scoffed. "Sure... just forget I said anything."
He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm to pull him back.
"Al... it's not..." I sighed and tucked a loose hair behind my ear, feeling so exposed. "...I've just got Jim back in my life again."
"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked, confused.
My anxiety skyrocketed and my ears started to whoosh like waves crashing against the sand.
"...I've already lost so much this year, I refuse to lose anyone else."
Alex run a hand down his face and sighed deeply.
"Ok, Emily... I hear you. So, friends?"
He extended his hand and I placed mine within it.
"Friends."
He shook it lightly before pulling away, gently running the tips of his fingers over my palm. It sent shivers through me and caused my breath to hitch.
"Let's go find Jimmy boy," Alex called over his shoulder as he made his way to the exit. I followed closely behind, willing my heart to stop beating quite so hard.