I sigh. Back again!
“Aren’t you excited Esther? This is wonderful! I can’t believe you’re going to college so soon after the accident! I’m so proud of you! Oh my God! I’m so happy and excited for you!” my mother understated. She was almost crying. My father stood behind her, nodding after every other sentence or so, smiling. His brown eyes sparkled behind his round glasses.
Man, this is gonna be great! So exciting! I will be able to trying fit in again and have another shot at fitting in again!
Fuck. My. Life.
I can’t believe my parents are sending me here again.
“Oh yeah! Definitely!” I plastered a fake smile on my face. They bought it.
My mother spread her arms for a hug. When I didn’t return the gesture right away she took a giant step towards me. She stretched her neck to perch her chin on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me up to her elbows so her wrists overlapped slightly. She was petite, so much tinier and shorter than my dad and me that it made us laugh. We would beat her up for it all the time. Then she squeezed hard enough to crack my ribs. My mother wasn’t fat, but she wasn’t exactly skinny either. She was the cute kind of plump that you would expect from a motherly type figure.
“OOF!” I gasped. I bent over, my knees buckling slightly. as I massaged my sternum where her shoulder had dug into it. I was still a little weak. My eyes were watering and my breath came in light huffs, almost wheezes.
“Oh no! I’m sorry dear!” cried my mother.
“Esther?” Dad stepped beside me and put a steadying hand on my back.
“Yeah… yeah.” I puffed. I took another 5 or 6 seconds to pull myself together then cleared my throat and stood up straight.
“Honey, if you’re not ready to come back-”
“No Mom! I’m fine.”
Over the past few months they had become so annoying. They were constantly asking if I was okay. At least, my dad was. My mother would just say “Are you quite alright dear?” In that silly high voice that one would use when talking to a 5 or 6 year old who had scraped his knee.
“Are you-”
“YES!” I almost snap. Then I realize what I have done. There is a ringing silence in the air that is border lining awkward. I lift my right leg slightly, kicking the toe of my left boot and stare at the ground. I look at my parents.
“I’m sorry.” I say.
“Don’t… Don’t worry about it.” says my father. I pick up my trunk and drag it back into the Sea Mist D dorm apartment. This was also depressing to me. Why would they put me in the same dorm that I had had such a horrible experience with before?
“We’ll see you next break.” my mother breaks the silence. “I love you Esther."
“I love you too, Mom.” I say, giving her another hug. She hugs me gingerly, as if she were holding the most delicate eggshell in the world. It drives me crazy, but I don’t say anything.
I turn to my father, standing on my tip toes to hug him.
“I love you Dad.” I half whisper into his ear.
“Love you too, sweetheart.” I let them go, tears forming in my eyes. My mother looks like she is about to start bawling. They turn and walk out the door, closing it behind them.
Part of me wants to run across the room. Part of me wants to hurl open the door and sprint into my dad’s waiting arms. Part of me wants to beg my parents to take me home. But the other part of me is still the college student, so I don’t do any such thing. That other part of me just won’t let me be weak.
I can’t remember why I was so eager to come here last year.
YOU ARE READING
