Only Fate

dix-sept

Delilah Pov

"Bruh, you gotta be fucking with me," I say beneath my breath, conscious that everybody here might heard it. He might've heard it.

"What was that? I couldn't quite catch it," Aria asks.

"Nothing," I say through gritted teeth as I watch Logan, who has an expression I can't quite read. It was anger mixed with happiness or excitement, and I'm internally complicated at seeing him look so much like his dad physically. Mentally, he was definitely all his mom. I've been observing him more this past week. We've been in no contact, and I've picked up little big things that remind me of her.

Like the time Grayson had no pens in first period, and he gave them even though he didn't have any pens left. Next is when Blair calls him with a nightmare at midnight, and he still responds.

Anyway, the point is that even though he looks like his dad, his mom is still with him. I hope he stays like this, because no matter what happens, I'll always look after him in my own way.

I need to move on. Remember, he doesn't want anything to do with you.

I take a deep breath and try not to flip out at the fact that, even though I'm trying my hardest to avoid him, something or someone far from my knowledge is keeping him close to me, and to that, something I curse at for being so cruel to my soul.

The only thing I thought I could have for myself was to be clouded by the boy who I once swore was going to be my forever. I wonder what's going on in his mind. That's when I'm suddenly interrupted by a whisper.

"Hey, R- Delilah, the lock to the room broke, I just thought you should know," he says, and I nod while not looking at him.

"Ok, since you're all sweaty, you can go to the showers, and we'll start duo practices next week," Aria says, and for a moment, I'm thankful he's not joining us today. That will give me time to finally go over my thoughts and feelings about the situation between us.

"Ok," Logan says before leaving the rink with his coach.

"So, Delilah, let's get into it," Aria says, and I'm ready to skate everything and every feeling in my bones away.

****

"Hi Delilah," Cleo says as I sit down next to her with my eerie presence at the table with my tray filled with food.

"You good girl?" Emory asks as I run my hands through my hair, my face, and down to my neck.

"Yeah, it's just, uhm, today hasn't been the best day for me at least," I admit as I look down at my food, which is not appealing to me at the moment.

"You know you can talk to us about anything," Cleo says, giving me a side hug. Could I? I mean, talk to them and trust them?

"Yeah, I know, but everything is fine now," I lie as I try to push a bit of food down my throat. It did not feel good.

"Well, as I was saying," Emory cut into the awkward interaction. "My parents have been on my back about everything, like when your grades are coming in, are you partying, or are you doing well in class. I feel like I can't breathe," Emory rants as she lists every single thing I wish my father would do these past five years, and suddenly, my throat is closing up, and I could feel my clothes too close to my skin, and the lights were too bright. I can't stand the sound of people chewing.

"Are you okay?" Emory asks, preoccupation seeping through her eyes.

"Yes, I, uhm, gotta go," I say, and without thinking about it, I take my tray, dump it in the trash, and run to the nearest bathroom. As soon as I get into a cubicle, I get my head into a toilet and purge everything I've eaten in the last 14 hours.