New Girl

Quotes

You've heard of 'I have no mouth and I must scream'

Well now I present 'I have no ABC iView but I must publish.

Off we go.

MK: A police officer pulled me over and said 'papers'
MK: I said scissors and drove off.

Julia: I thought I was dying, so I told Emily I was in love her.
Julia: I'm now faking a coma to avoid a possibly awkward conversation.

Damien: Can i ask a favour?
Emily: i would literally die for you, but continue.
Damien: Ok, we have got to talk about you starting sentences like that.

Bowie: who turned off the lights?
Emma: I speak from personal experience when I say probably Chase.

Emily: you remind me of a surface hoar.
Gina: excuse me?!
Emily: a SURFACE HOAR.
Gina: I will fucking kill you.
Emily: do you not know what a surface hoar is? They're very pretty.

Julia: where do I get a gun?
Gina: I wouldn't trust you with one of MK's toy lightsabers.
MK yelling across the house: THEY'RE COLLETABLES!

Bowie: Ok, so if Chase dies, you will..?
Emma: ...laugh?

Emily: Fuck off, I'm hungover.
Damien: Why were you drinking on a work night?
Emily: I'm hung over from this morning.

Julia: It's not gay if I want to kiss Emily, right?
Wayne: I'm not a expert, but that does sound kinda gay.
Raj: I am an expert. It's very gay.

Julia: what state do The Simpsons live in?
MK: *Goes through every episode, read articles by Matt Groening, prints off a map of the US and crosses states off as she gets closer to the answer.*
Gina: *googles for two minutes.* Oregon.

MK: So from us at the Immediate Murder Professionals group we promise to settle your unfinished business. Or your money... is gone, and your never getting it back and you can write us a bad review. But we'll play dumb to it because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

MK: Sorry for fucking up, I guess.
Emily: Apology accepted. But if you ever screw up like that again I will fuck you and your girl.
MK: Wait, what?
Emily: Mkay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Emily: Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?
Damien: Absolutely not, I forbid it, not gonna happen. Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls.
Priya: You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!
Everyone: *Looks dead at the camera.* 

Damien: I sent my dog outside for standing on the furniture.
Damien: He is now standing on the lawn furniture.

Gina: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still feeling fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some Starbies before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch. Bow?
Bowie: I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put 'brody' or something, I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-

Emily: Ok, no one that bad in bed scores a hot blonde, what're you hiding Chase?

Damien: did you just call a knife a 'people opener'?
Scary Girl: Should I not?

Raj: I started school with straight A's. Now I'm not even straight.

Emily: My boyfriend wants to meet up with meeeeeeee. TAKE THAT DEPRESSION! *Kicks random stuffed animal.*