After Happily Ever After

Amity Blight

'Okay. Hi Luz. I know that we've had our differences and I said some pretty shitty stuff to you the other night, but I didn't mean any of it. I swear! I love you. And if you could give me a second chance I think we could possibly work things out. I'm so sorry for what I said to you that night. I was drunk and stupid and I said a lot of things that I didn't mean. I love you so so so much and I need you in my life more than I have ever needed anyone else before. And- and that's because I'm in love with you. Just please don't give up on me.' I say breathlessly, nervously fiddling the paper that I had in my hands. I see my reflection in the mirror and shake my head, before walking to my bedroom desk. 'No that's too much. I come off as way too desperate.'

I scribble on the paper frustratedly, editing most of what I have written, before groaning in frustration and turning the paper into a crumpled up ball and tossing it into the bin. I sit on my spinning chair and pull a fresh sheet from my draw and place it in the centre of the desk, using my pencil to tap my head frustratedly. I have been trying to find the perfect thing to say to her when she arrives- if she ever does arrive. No. This is Luz we're talking about. She wouldn't do that, she'd at least listen to what I have to say, right? Of course she will. She's good like that.- so that I will Say the right thing to make her understand that I didn't mean I word I had said and that I really do love her. But if she doesn't love me back? What if what I said made her lose feelings for me and she actually doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if she's fallen in love with someone else in her university and she's now dating them? Wait, Luz wouldn't move on that quickly, right. It's only been a few days. And if she did that probably means that she had fallen out of love with me a long time ago.

My eyes trail to the old photo of me and Luz for when we were younger. I stare at her younger self who was smiling as she kissed my cheek. Titan,  I miss her so much and it's only been a few days. I wonder how she's doing. I want to ask her about university and her new friends that I heard she hangs out with. I honestly want to hear her talk about everything. Every single detail of her day. I want her to tell me all about it as we cuddle, her arms around me as she kisses my head hand rambles on about her day. I want to hold her and never let go, maybe as tight as I held her when she first told me that she died. I clung on to her and keep crying, all the possibilities that could have happened that day. I want to kiss her so bad. I miss the feeling of her warmth, the heat that radiates from her body to mine as our lips collide. I want to kiss her all over as I tell her over and over again how much I love her. How I need her more than anything in the world. Because she is my world. She is my everything.

I put my pencil to the paper to begin writing once more, hoping I can wright something more successful. Something that will make her understand how much she means to me. I am reminded of our first Grom together. I had written a small pink note to try and ask her out to Grom to no avail. She went with me as a friend because she is just amazing like that. She was there for me when I needed her. Swapping places with me to fight gromethus the fear bringer. Luz has always been  my hero way before she saved the Ilse. She was my own personal hero. One that brought me light in my darkened world.  One that gave me the courage to stand up to Odaila and become my own person. One that allowed me to free myself from the dark chains that I had been  locked up with and become the kind of person that I want to be. One that allowed me to make amends with Willow and stand up to her bullies and my former friends. But I feel a struggle to put into words how much she means to me. There simply isn't enough words in existence that could possibly match up to how much I love her. And there wouldn't be enough paper in my draw to write down every single thing that I love about her. I glance at my trash can That is piled up with scrapped pieces of paper from failed drafts of what I would say to her. I honestly don't think it can take any more paper. I sigh and begin writing again.