Uncertainty // z.m.

Fourteen

Did I commit a mistake by telling Jason that she wouldn't be able to join the contract? I feel like she does not really understand what I wanted to accomplish by deciding that way. It's only for her own protection.

Jason can be very charming, I have to admit that, but I think it's also one of his greatest flaws at the same time. He's so charming that you are easily led to forget or don't see his dark side, too. I can say one thing for sure, if there are only a handful of men considered as even more dangerous than myself in London, then Jason is among them.

I won't admit it in front of her, but I'm starting to feel some kind of regret that I recruited her to work for me. It's far too dangerous for someone like her. If I had not, admittedly quite often, signalized that she is not to be touched by anyone, I guess she would be more aware of the risky situation, to put it nicely. I've been very cautious to let everyone know that. Yes, I might have exaggerated a little bit, but it's important to me that she is safe. Developing feelings for her makes everything worse, but unfortunately, seems inevitable to me right now.

I don't even know what to do anymore. If I'd let her go, she would probably either report me, or she would not even be able to do that because someone would take advantage of the situation, and her, before she could even realize. Do you understand what I mean?

Letting her work for me has both its good and bad sides. On the one hand, I am able to protect and have an eye on her, but on the other hand, she is always confronted with, well, you know, the circumstances here.

I think I'll have to talk this through with her. There's not really another way to solve the problem. But how should I express my worry towards her? She will automatically assume that I have feelings for her, which is not even the biggest lie out there... Still. I cannot even convince myself fully that she might be the right one for me.

After everything that has happened with Alexis, I don't know. But... It's been two years and slowly, I feel that urge to look for someone who will be able to cope with my life and who will be there for me. I've been on my own for far too long.

_________________________

This part was a little bit different, because I felt like Zayn's P.o.V. was necessary at this point. Maybe I'll throw in some more of these in the following parts.

Also, I'm really sorry for the long wait, I just couldn't get myself to write anything. However, I'm SO amazed by the incredible amount of likes and new followers I got, even though I did nothing for it :o Maybe we could keep this going and I'll be able to scratch up a little bit more motivation and write another part for you guys :)