Uncertainty // z.m.

Three

Three

_________________ London, 30.09.13 MON

Dear friend,

I’m sitting in my Economy course right now and can’t focus on anything. The only thing in my mind is the content of the letter I read yesterday evening. The one that caused me a sleepless night and an exhausting day so far. It’s almost noon and every time I see a clock, I feel like time is threatening me. It feels like it is rushing by, bringing close the time of day I try to escape from so dearly.

I know that I have no other choice than to go. I mean, he knows my name and address, that’s enough for him to ruin my life if he wishes to. I can’t escape it, there’s no way. But I still wonder, what he exactly wants me to do. Will he want to eliminate me? Or just make sure that I won’t leak any information? Whatever it is, it’s nothing good. I wish I would have never been to that park. I wish I had never encountered him or seen anything that has to do with him.

As a child, I would have characterized devil as a man with red horns and an evil laugh. Now I’m sure darkness is the real devil. And he is its representative. 

I’m getting ready for meeting up with him, and this is my mental preparation. It feels good to be writing something, no matter what. Just emptying my mind, bringing some peace and order into the chaos inside my brain. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to write anymore of these, because god knows what will happen this night, so I better enjoy it the best I can.

I think I have to stop this right here, otherwise I’ll be late and he doesn’t seem like he is someone who likes to wait. By the way, I wonder what his name is? I haven’t caught it up until now and he knows probably everything about me. Hm.