Uncertainty // z.m.

Seven

_____________   London, 28.10.13 MON

Dear friend, 

it's been a long time since I had the time to write about what happened and it's been way too much! This whole month was nerve-wracking, that's for sure. But on the other hand, there were also some surprises that I still cannot explain rationally...

One of them: He is being nice to me. I don't exactly know what happened, but I have some assumptions. I called him a jerk after I talked to him about my job. I told him that it's very important for me to keep this job, but he refused to accept that and said my new job was more important than some "library shit".  And maybe, just maybe he noticed that his behaviour is not the nicest, and he's supposed to change something. Especially because I haven't actually talked to him since that day. I fulfilled my tasks, they actually weren't as dangerous as I had made them out to be at the very beginning, but I didn't change a word with him without being forced to. 

However, last week he apologized to me! Of course I didn't accept it, I just turned around and left the room. I'll have to admit, that I'm still in hopes that he'll let me go. I don't give him any chance to punish me in any way for doing a task wrong or not delivering something in time, but I also don't do it perfectly, so that he doesn't think I'm a good worker to keep. 

So when he told me that he was sincerely sorry for the second time yesterday, I had to think for a moment. Maybe I need to gain his friendship, so that he let's me go? Maybe I'm on the wrong way? This thought had occurred to me a several times, but I was more in favour of the ignoring tactic. However, any way leading out of this organization is ok with me. 

I finally accepted his apology and I guess we were both happy for a short moment. And I'll tell you right away, I don't know how it came to this. He asked me to go out for dinner with him. 

I'm not dumb, I'm really not. I immediately understood why he was trying to apologize all the time.

He is fancying me. And it's the best thing that could have happened in this situation, because it's how I'll get out of there.