Uncertainty // z.m.

Two

__________________  London, 29.09.13 SUN

Dear friend,

the state of realization hasn’t hit me yet. The thing I feared the most has happened and I’m still shocked and not able to feel any emotions such as fear or panic. Even after some panicked neighbours came to my door to ask what the incident last day was about, I couldn’t really catch on. By now, this had become the rumour of the week; I had a feeling that every one of them was watching me cautiously, maybe to understand a bit of it. I didn’t really care, but their talking made me think about it and urged me to realize that what happened was real.

He has come to my house. He knows where I live. He probably knows even more about me. It was this morning that I started to worry about myself. This morning, when I opened my mailbox and saw the letter that was inside. A black envelope addressed to me. Even his letters look dangerous, what is this?! However, even though I knew at the first sight that it was by him, I was still surprisingly calm. I read it a few hours later; I couldn’t bring myself to rip off the envelope, so I sat there at the kitchen table and looked at it for a while. When I couldn’t stand its presence anymore, I stood up and left the room.

It was not until evening, when I entered kitchen to make dinner, that my eyes caught the sight of it again. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t left my mind for one second the whole day. Every time I tried to do some exercises or some research for my next classes, the thought about it, about him, sneaked into my mind, but I have managed to avoid the kitchen all day long.

After having prepared dinner for myself, I sat down on the kitchen table to eat, but I couldn’t. Seeing the letter in front of me caused the same feeling as if he was staring into my eyes, I couldn’t stand it. I let out a scream of frustration, because I didn’t know a way out anymore. I had to read the damn thing in order to understand what he was expecting of me.

Hello Elizabeth.

You have done a big mistake by reacting that way. I was willing to make things easier for you, but you have eliminated that option yourself. You know exactly why I wanted to talk to you. You have been a witness to some serious things and therefore, this is a danger not only for the business, but also for your own existence. I wish you had cooperated more easily, but there is nothing to do. Sometimes you have to make people act according to some rules for their own good. I will see you at the place tomorrow night at ten. Decide wisely, you do not have many opportunities and every mistake will worsen this.