Scarred from the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter Fan Fiction Retelling)

Chapter 6: I Am the Everlasting, Ever-Gorgeous Educator

The Great Hall sparkled with sunlight on the morning of the first day of classes. Because Harry and Ron had to spend the night locked up in Filch's creepy office, they later discovered they missed Snape yelling at Ginny because she called him Snip, Professor Sprout coaxing a livid Snape to do the tango, Dumbledore recounting his story about getting run over by a car, and Professor Grubbly-Plank throwing one of her artificial arms at Angelina Johnson because she wouldn't stop complaining about how she got held back because of Quidditch making her fail all her classes. As they sat down at the Gryffindor table with a bunch of terrified-looking first-years a couple of seats away, they realized they hadn't seen Hermione since they flew by the train.

"Haven't seen her," Cho Chang of Ravenclaw said after they asked her. Her face suddenly grew serious. "Why? Do you have a crush on her?"

"I bet Harry does," her Ravenclaw best friend, Padma Patil, giggled.

"You do?" Cho screeched. "That's so scandalous! Anyway, Professor Lockhart told me to tell you he wants to talk to you about getting a massage together or something." For a moment, hearts seemed to flutter in her eyes. "He is so dreamy. I know I'm only 12, but I can still have romantic feelings for people four times my age. It's not weird."

Harry was so thankful when Cho and Parvati skipped away. "I wonder where Hermione is?" he asked Ron, who just shrugged as he poured syrup on his bagels. "Hey! Look!" He pointed at the double doors. Stomping into the Great Hall underneath the faded coral collage was Hermione. She was covered, head to toe, in mud and seaweed.

"Where have you been?" Harry gaped at her as she sat down. "Why are you all wet?"

Hermione shot him a scathing look. "You'd be all wet too if you spent the entire night swimming the entire length of the Black Lake in the dark."

"Why'd you do that?" Harry asked, trying not to laugh.

Hermione pulled a detached fin out of her shirt. "After I levitated myself back into the train, I decided I didn't want to sit with Lavender and Parvati since they were being super mean, so I climbed back out when the evil Trolley Lady left and ran after you. I tripped and fell off the train into a swamp and had to walk the rest of the way here. And the only way to get to this stupid castle is by crossing the Black Lake!"

"No, it's not," Ron said. "There's the path the horseless carriages take."

Hermione looked like she was going to cry.

"There you are, Ms. Granger!" Dumbledore said, walking up to her. He took the fin she had placed on the table and stuffed it behind his ear. "We missed you last evening. The staff and I were thinking of putting together a sympathy card, but Snape opted for a detention slip instead. Also, incidentally, are you aware you performed magic outside of school?"

Hermione looked completely guilty. "Um, there were, um, Dementors."

"You are lying through your teeth. Just look at those cuspids. Ms. Granger, you used magic. You are therefore expelled from this school."

"It wasn't my fault!" Hermione screamed. "It was them!" She pointed an accusing finger at Harry and Ron. Harry ducked behind a towering pile of eggs.

"Just kidding," Dumbledore chuckled. "You performed the levitation charm within the school limit, so you're not expelled. You will, henceforth from now, receive detention. I'll let you know what it is after I consult Snape. Have a wonderful first day, Harry!"

"I thought he was talking to me?" Hermione said, watching the headmaster float away.

"Someone threw up all over the front steps!" Filch shouted, storming in.