On A Thread

Chapter 3

Dinner was as usual. Deathly quiet. The only sound being the contact of cutlery with glass ware.
Brie could feel Josh's hot gaze right across the table. He wasn't eating and would occasionally play around with the block of beef. He had made it clear that he hated her sitting so far from him, she hated it too but it's the best she could do to not jump into bed with him.
Their marriage may be hanging by a thread but not the attraction. Josh still looked at Brie like the woman was the center piece on which all rest was made of.
"Brie, I..."
She dropped her cutlery.
"...I need to say something." She took the words right out of his mouth. Josh relapsed into his seat, his face almost pitiful. She cut her eyes away from him, that was the only way she wouldn't crumble as she delivered the blow. "I need... We need a break." The words flew out not as carefully as she had wanted it regardless, she was thankful she put it out.
Josh appeared composed, "you don't mean that Brielle."
"Oh yes I do, Joshua." She fired back
Josh shot up from his seat, the sudden jolt caused the chair to fall. "No you don't."
Brie opened her mouth to say something but closed it. She had not the nerves to look at him, just a little push and her tears would disarm her.
"Look me in the eye and say that again Brielle." Josh's voice was low and pleading. He hoped she would say it was a prank, he hoped she wouldn't repeat it, he desperately hoped she'll fly across the room into his arms. He saw this coming, since that awful night, she'd become more distant, going farther and farther away into her solitude, her spirited laughter didn't bounce off the wall, only that fake smile, the one that didn't even show her dimples. He had felt her go farther away each time he touched her and she stiffened under his touch. Even days when he'd called in at her workplace and was told his wife had enrolled for a double shift, others thought her a diligent worker who loved her job but he knew she was avoiding home, their home. Avoiding him. Each time she had paused their love making session just to ensure that he was wearing a condom, it broke his heart that she didn't want to risk carrying his child one more time. Each time she slept on the other side of the bed after sex and the bed would feel so vast and cold without her warm skin flushed against him, he felt her go cold and all he could do was watch her warmth to every other person except him. He knew he'd broken her heart but he had fooled himself to think he was doing enough to appease her grief, so much that he'd put his own grief and regret on the back seat and put her happiness first. He had hoped it hadn't been too late but her words threatened his fragile hope.
Brie rose from her sit, her jaw set, she curled her finger tips into the table and looked into her husband's eyes. Her fingers dug in deeper when she sees the sheen in Josh's eyes,she knew he had been hanging on a thread all this while and she was about to nip that thread.
"I need a break from you. From us Josh. I'm not okay." Her last word came as a whisper.
Josh's eyes had gone red from pain and rage that he didn't have the right to express, he should've expected it, he did but he thought he was repelling the looming doom. He staggered but gripped on the table hard. "What do you want me to do honey."
Brie was losing her composure too. Her heart twisted in a knot.
She swallowed hard. "this isn't about you Josh. It's me. I'm hurt and I can't let go of the pain I feel."
In two strides he was right in front of her, holding her hands, searching desperately for something in her face, her eyes, "take the pain out on me Brie. Let me share it with you." He cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumb. "Please don't cry Brie. I can't stand it." He said before crashing her against his chest, the both of them silencing their sobs against their bodies.
Brie's body raged with painful hot tears. "You can't. I can't do that to you Joshie... It hurts too much."
He detached himself from the hug and cupped her face, "I hurt you baby. I know but I can make it up to you." He wiped his tears and toughens up a bit. "Let me Brie."
She touched his face, her hands trembled as she did, "I need time Josh. We need to take some time and fix us. This..." She moved her finger between them, "us? We're broken. We broke each other and these pieces are so sharp that everytime either of us moves it cuts and cuts deeper. I don't want that for us." She attempts to step back but Josh held her close, desperately as though if he let go he'd lose her forever.
He hugged her and nuzzled into her neck, "Brie please"
The raw plea in his voice, the way he hugged her, his masculine scent mingled with sweat and kitchen fume, curry especially, from the beef curry and rice dish he cooked, everything about the situation was what Brie dreaded and each time sje thought of how he'll take the blow she procrastinated another day until almost a year had gone by since the incident but she had to do this for herself, her sanity, for Josh and out of respect for what they once shared, hopefully they still shared, maybe.
Brie fought squarely with her heart, letting her mind and brain prevail, she pushed away from him, her husband staggered slightly. She quietly sucked in a steadying breath. Not wanting to seem unsure she looked him in the eye. "I won't come home tomorrow. Don't call me Josh. Allow me heal. I'll leave the details of the therapist we'll be meeting. Come if you like." She sucked in a shaky breath, her world dependent on whether he'd take the chance. "this the least favor you can do for me Josh." She said and passed by him.
With that she left Josh standing in the dining area. He thumped into a seat, his hand clutched to his chest. The pain was too deep that his heart hurt outwardly. His wife, the love of his life had just asked him a favor he hadn't the capacity to fulfill. He'd breathed her in everyday, craved her mere presence, her smile across the room. He should at least know where she'd be so he wouldn't lose his mind but he has to do her this favor even if it was taking a knife to his heart. He deserved it and he knew it, saw it coming even before he got a whip of it from his friends wife, Meg. But nothing could've prepared him for it.
He knew what he had, he didn't love her enough, didn't show her how much she meant and now she was leaving.