On A Thread

Chapter 4

Camden occupied Josh's seat with his legs crossed on the table, he was checking out the mini globe he had gifted Josh on his first promotion as though it was his first time in his friend's office.
"So you're seriously not throwing a party?" He is perplexed by Josh's silence and still pushes ahead, "not even a backyard barbeque?"
Josh's ear was roaring, his pulse actively drowning out Camden's voice. He took a deep breath and schooled his expression before turning, two glasses of whiskey in hand. Camden was his friend through thick and thin but this was a workplace and the matter involved him and his wife.
He dropped the whiskey in front of Camden making sure it clanks loudly against the glass center piece. "No party." The words were stiff.
He was going to be appointed as an executive director, after all these years he had reached his goal. It certainly had been harder trying to climb up without stepping on toes or crushing tender backs of growing and struggling employees. All the while he had thought he was bringing his victory home, he lied to himself. Work could never be his victory, not if Brie was not part of it. He was awfully respected and revered like some guru with fifty years experience, though he was just thirty two. And even though the rest of the world saw his progress as a seed of his own skills and talents, his biggest reason for success was Brielle. She was his biggest motivation, she'd stay up with him, chipping in where she could, massaging his shoulders and throbbing head, when was the last time she did that?
Brie was the reason he'd worked his butt off. Otherwise that's what he'd like to tell himself, it had nothing to do with his ego or feelings of inadequacy to his wife, he'd never said so, not even once.
Brie could sustain herself but each time he'd massaged her charred feet while she was asleep, he was more, ferally motivated to work harder and make his wife comfortable. There were far too many lunch breaks he put aside for a rough twenty minutes drive to be at her workplace, he remembered he had gritted his teeth so hard it made his head hurt, he couldn't stand still watching his wife stand uncomfortably in those ridiculous high shoes and as if that wasn't enough, he could read her suppressed irritation at the bratty teenager talking down on his wife, a woman he respected so highly, for Christ sake there were many other ways to ask for a replacement. The brat had already used up the toner all the way to half. He recalled already taking a beeline into the section when his phone rang, reminding him to tread sensibly. He had left and came back after her shift with a pair of white comfortable slippers and slid it under her dress locker.
I need a break from you. Those wicked words tore at his guts, dealing him a fresh blow.
He could still see her smooth skin aglow from the candle lit table, the soft orange-yellow hue cast against her fair skin, her long brown hair sprawled over her delicate shoulders, he'd wanted to kiss them and take her scent in, she usually smelled of mild vanilla, the one he'd gotten for her but a fruity note had wafted to his nose that night. That had been a sign for him already.
He'd been waiting for her to talk to him, to tell him what was wrong but he was not near prepared for it.
She had delivered those words to him whilst standing there looking unjustly beautiful in her black slip with a similar lace robe over it, the night wear that drove him to his limits, he had to fight to keep himself still and not plunge his tongue in that sweet mouth of hers.
"... Hold that any longer and your hand will bleed." His friend's voice pulled him out of his most recent memories. Josh didn't even know his eyes had tears in them. He threw back his whiskey, ignoring the painful burn.
So much for keeping it to himself.
Camden took Josh's glass and placed it on the table. "You and Meg have been in a daze all morning. Can someone tell me what's wrong?"
Josh cut his eyes to Camden, his brows furrowed, "Meg?"
"Yes, Meg. My wife. Your wife's friend."
Oddly specific, Josh's hand worried the knot of his tie. He drew in a steadying breath, if Meg was already in a daze it won't take long for her husband to catch a whip of it, "Brie..." He tried to say something else but the words were to heavy to roll out, leaving him with a defeated sigh. "She left— she wants to leave me"
Few beats of silence stretched across the room.
Josh, not sure whether to be thankful for the silence or irritated by it, further decided to be irritated because if Camden was saying nothing it meant he saw it coming, he knew something. His friends had seen it but he had been so stupidly oblivious.
He cleared his throat and rounded his new desk, his eyes dropped for a brief second to his opened drawer, catching a glimpse of the glittery diamond pendant, there was a diamond on each petal cluster until the floral pendant holding the larger diamond . He had planned to give it to his wife and had imagined she'd wear it to the cocktail of his inauguration ceremony with her glued to his side and outshine the entire hall. His Brie was capable of that. He had imagined it so many times, arm in arm with his Wife, turning heads, giving her all the honor and watching people lavish them with jealous applause and side talks. All that might end up going down the drain. He couldn't be without his wife for his own sanity and couldn't be without a wife for his new position.
He could understand why Meg was dazed, she had been his first call for help in choosing a piece for his wife, she had even been the one to tell off the sales person who tried to rip him, talking about some Piaget, Tiffany and Cartier bullocks he didn't care for. All he'd wanted was to get her an exquisite piece even though nothing in the world could outshine her, he knew she loved Ruby but she loved the look of diamond on her, so he'd gotten her the most expensive neckpiece and for once he hadn't cared about its cost, he never did when it came to Brielle, it was a breeze to do so with his new earnings.
Looking at the jewelry, he knew how desperately he wanted her back not just her ghostly presence or her silence, he wanted her back wholly, her laughter whenever she was watching Trevor Noah and Bill and he'd laugh along even though he didn't understand the joke half of the time, that was Brielle's charm, her laughter came from the belly, her core and bubbled out as light as feather, excellent ensemble to the ears. Everything about her would make a person feel at ease, it was why even though she didn't let him touch her, he'd still give the world just to have her in his space. That liberty was gone now.
Feeling deep urgency, his pulse quickened, roaring loudly in his ears, he hadn't realized he had no life without Brie in it, if he'd thought he'd be okay to not meet her at home he was kidding himself, he would lose his damn mind if she was actually gone. He knew his wife, she was sweet and kindhearted, she'd offer her last penny to whoever needed it but when she was serious, she didn't bluff, he knew she meant it. Josh knew that by the time he'll get home, her dresser would be empty only left with her lingering scent. Josh desperately hoped that she'd at least left her ring on. Part of what drove him crazy was that he knew that any man could easily fall for his wife, he'd witnessed men try to hit on her and she, telling them off boasting to be the wife of the best man in the world. Now he wondered if she'd still say he was the best man for her. If she was without her ring, he was at a loss. He still wanted to be the best man for his Brie, he had to and he'd work hard for it. He slammed the drawer shut. "Do you know where she could be?"
He hadn't seen the repulsion coming. It was repulsive that he didn't know where she could be. Hell, he knew all her friends and her friends' families, at least he used to and now he only knew Meg and he doubted she'd go over to Meg's.
Camden sat at the tip of his seat, "thought you'd never ask."
Josh clenched his teeth. Now wasn't the time to act smug, if only Camden knew.
"Meg said something about wine tasting downtown with the girls on Friday..."
Josh didn't wait till his friend was done and was out the door, no clue where he was going but it had something to do with getting to know Brielle, he'd assumed she was okay and sadly she hadn't been for a long time. He'd meet Anna. His sister would know something, she'd cuss him out for hurting Brie but he'd take it, he deserved it and Anna had told him to pull the brakes but he failed to understand.
Brielle and Anna had bonded over the years, frankly, they hadn't really liked each other's views, Anna was more community oriented, she'd like the women in the neighborhood to help pick her next magazine cover and would throw a barbeque party at the backyard while Brielle liked her space more and found Anna overbearing but that all changed and he hadn't even known when.
He needed so badly to know why she needed time.
It was only Tuesday and he couldn't be prepared enough for how suffocating the next two days would be, he'd be thankful if he survived it.
Brie threw her phone across the bed before plunking on it. She had just got off the call with her colleagues, Brie wasn't sure they genuinely called out if worry since she never missed a day of work, she even clocked in on the weekends, they didn't know she owed her diligence to an unhealthy fear of her home, of intimacy, of her own husband and yet he was the most gentle man out there. She could almost swear that they called to know if she'd take their shifts, it's a given to the human nature that if you help a person once, they expect it to become a status quo and even throw a tantrum when it isn't. She had started covering shifts for her colleagues as a good deed, at some point she got tired of hearing the same excuses, my kid's recital, I'm under the weather, prior engagements and what nots.it benefitted her so she continued even when she had seen the "under the weather colleague" outside a pub when she went to get dinner, she didn't care too much but it hurt to know that she took any opportunity just to avoid home and when she finally reached her limit her bones would ache and her head would throb so hard, somehow she always had a pain patch on her dressing table and a card panadol.
Brie felt her hands through the smooth material of the bed sheet, the bed they made love on and satisfied their wild cravings of each other until she hated him, the bed she'd conceived on, well, if you didn't count the bathroom, the kitchen counter and the wooden floors, or the couch. They had sex pretty much everywhere though the frequency had reduced over the years, she didn't even remember when last they'd made love, she just go and her eyes settled on the bed, their bed she loved so much but grew to hate. She had writhed in so much pain in that same bed and eventually bled out her little angel, she still shuddered at how cold and helpless she had been, dialing her husband's number and hearing the annoying call lady repeat that the number was busy, he had obviously been in a meeting, his secretary likely putting it on DND. She had been so terrified as her blood soaked through their sheets, her stomach cramped so tightly she could barely move and just stayed on the bed, writhing, wrangling in pain as her child oozed out from her. The stain was still there underneath the bed sheet and each time she changed the sheets, she relived the terrible incident, but he didn't know.
He knew nothing, how could he.
That day, Brie had gotten their first ultrasound, he was supposed to be there but couldn't make it and could only mange a five minutes video call after the scan was done. He didn't stay on the call long enough to hear that Brie's uterus would need extra care because it was delicate, he hadn't been there to hold her hand when the doctor said she'd have to embark on no stress at all including work and even at that the possibility of birthing her child was only a miserable twenty percent yet she had banked all of it on the twenty percent. He wasn't even there to hear she was pregnant in the first place. She had planned a little surprise for him. Josh would've been over the moon with the news, she thought, but these days she didn't really know what took him over the moon.
Even still, She believed she'd pull through with Josh on her side.
She should've seen it coming when a sharp pain tore at the floor of her belly as she was climbing up the stairs after crying and waiting endlessly for Josh to return, he didn't even call. Brie gripped the rails so tightly, with eyes shut until the wave of pain passed. She'd been getting those periodic cramps and was too scared to check.
And Brie, she had stomached all the good and more bad news on her own, her texts and calls not being returned. She'd only managed to tell Anna and Meg about it and they'd come over to console her and cheer her up but nothing could fill the emptiness she felt without having her husband beside her to share her worries with.
Poor Brie had woken up to terrible pain In her belly, she'd felt for a dip in the bed, for her husband but to her disappointment she was alone in the room, clutching her belly as if she could hold up the baby. She had called and called Josh's phone to no end.
When she began wading in and out of consciousness, she called Anna, hoping her baby would hang in there.
Brie's phone pinged and dragged her out of her own nightmares, she felt her cheek and was shocked to find it moist with tears. She'd been doing this far too often, just thinking back and tearing up then feeling so much hurt, anger and resentment towards herself and Josh. She scrubbed tears away from her eyes and wrung her fingers on her thighs, the flicker of her wedding ring hit her eyes, she couldn't falter now, not with so much pent up hate, to think that Josh didn't know what she was so angry about. When she'd told him she needed time, he looked nearly confused, unsure of what and why exactly, she knew he was aware of some of his shortcomings but he was oblivious to the raw pelt of wound he'd left on her, sadly, it festered and oozed on both of them.
She drew in a shaky breath, before easing out her ring from her hand.
I am really doing this.
I must be out of my damn mind.
The last time she attempted this was after her discharge from the hospital, she'd felt nauseated having to share a car with Josh on the way home and just settled to stay in the back seat while Anna sat in the front seat. He thought sje passed out because of her anemia and hell, how much she wished it was that simple.
Brie had been so irritated, she'd almost puked Everytime he locked eyes with her through the rear mirror, she could see his regret and concern on his face but in that moment it annoyed her more.
But she was really doing this. This time she had to and she wouldn't let thoughts of him sway her, she was doing this for herself and him.
She yanked it out of her finger. The skin it covered felt sweaty and tender, discolored even, she didn't even take it off because of how uncomfortable and naked it made her feel. And because it made men look at her like a potential trophy, she hated it because no man could ever make her feel the way Josh did, the attraction he exuded, the one he so wickedly dealt on her was what still kept her hoping that she'd wake up one day and eventually just forget all about the hurt.
She heaved, her shoulders raised momentarily before she resumed packing, she had cleared her dresser and took not so few clothes. She wasn't sure how long it would take to find a solution but she took just enough.
Brie spent the whole day putting freshly cooked dishes in Tupperware, slapping label notes on them and stuffing them in the freezer. She maybe upset but she'd keep him comfortable to the best she can.
With everything done, she took one last round of their house, their dream house, the house that could contain their three kids, so they had planned but life didn't like to be preplanned without fate's consent or the creator. She believed that truly her little angel was active in duty as the cutest heavenly citizen. It pricked her so much that this dream house was going to accommodate their dreams but it also housed her most haunted memories, it was appalling to Brie whenever she felt suffocated in their home when it initially brought her bliss. Josh had gifted this house to her as his reply to her constant pining for a child, the house meant he wanted a child and little did they know she was already bearing one. She adored the house so much. It meant so many things, it meant new beginnings and more happy memories but that quickly changed...
The roaring of a car in the driveway snatched her eyes from their wedding picture frame, her and Josh smiling widely and contented at the camera, it still made her belly flutter whenever she looked at their photos.
How could they have gone wrong with it, they had it all planned out and put together, get married at graduation, honeymoon at Hawaii even though they both dreamed of Bali, it didn't matter as long as they were together, rent a house, buy a house, have three beautiful kids, she wants two girls and one boy, he wants two boys and one girl.
Well they had one cute little girl on the way.
At that thought, she pulled her suitcase behind her, steeling herself. She lifted her chin and left without looking back, leaving her ring on the box beneath their frame. She had left a letter on that box, she always did, but this was the last for now.