On A Thread

Chapter 10

The next morning Brie was almost startled out of bed. The whole night she had thought of the wonderful dream she was sucked into, a dream that drifted her back to her husband's strong arm, his powerful woody scent mingled with wine and the slight roughness of his chest hair. Had she imagined the kisses on her forehead or the delicate snuggle pulls that she'd been craving for so much lately.
She stretched to the other side, not sure which way was the other side and why she was reaching for it. Last night she didn't even lay down in any perfect position.
Right, she was waiting for her husband.
She sprang up, her hair disheveled and all over the place. Someone had drawn the curtains, her mother or Suzie maybe, they all knew how much she loved waking up to the warm rays of morning sun, the warmth, a sharp contrast to the cool night and the chirping of sun birds. She was part of the few percent of people who didn't find the morning rays filtering into the room disturbing, for her it was one of her best moments. She squinted at the golden rays passing through the cracks of the curtain. She enjoyed the moment briefly before her nose caught a whiff of his scent, Josh's scent. And the previous night came rolling back.
It was a confused rerun of mashed and mingled feelings from the previous night. She went from anticipation, to a ravishing hotness, to anticipation again and now, disappointment. She exhaled.
Why had she even anticipated again. Again. She always did, she always expected.
She sighed. Putting a plug on her thoughts, she dragged herself up from the bed and to the dresser not trying to argue with her mind and body that he wasn't with her all night, that she was right, she was dreaming and her body was wrong for dreaming too realistically.
He didn't return.
As much as Brie told herself that she was prepared for disappointments, when it came to Josh, it was as fresh as a new pressing iron scald.
She grabbed handfuls of her hair trying to run her hands through the tangles.
If her fellow curly hair people saw how she did her hair, they'd probably kick her out of the community but it wasn't her fault the hair still looked good in a disheveled way even though she didn't have the patience to handle her full head of hair. What could she say, she was blessed to only need a hair salon once a month, the rest she did with a hand scrunch and water.
The door creaked open and Brie was ready to throw a brush at her sister for not knocking.
"I could be having sex ya know." She said with a tight voice.
Josh grinned at her, his tall lean frame against the door, two piping cups in his hand. "We could."
Brie wasn't ready for the speed she turned with, the dressing stool shifted and any more wrong moves could've thrown her to the floor. She didn't even bother hiding her expressions from surprise to extreme happiness and then a failed attempt to appear unfazed. She tried to keep her smile away but it only reduced by a fraction.
Josh walked to the dresser and placed the two cups of hot cocoa on the dressing table. Brie's eyes were still blinking at her too good looking in the morning husband in disbelief, her jaw hung loose.
He kissed her cheek offering her a good exhale of his skin and cocoa.
He stood behind her, placed a kiss behind her ear.
She sucked in a sharp breath, watching her husband from the mirror. He was wearing the not so green tee that wrapped his bunched muscles at the arm and made his chest appear perfectly sectioned and sturdy. She looked down to his pants and wanted to ask if anyone saw him like that in those sweatpants. She bit her lips, keeping down a naughty smile.
He was wearing his old clothes. The ones he often left behind anytime he came over, the clothes she'd worn and over worn its colors off. Seriously, she usually forgot she had clothes of her own and just survived on his shirts, pants and occasionally his briefs if her mom didn't give her a disapproving look.
Josh gathered her hair in his hands, a black hair tie between his lips.
Heavens! The sight for Brie was breath taking, it moved her walls and broke them down. It'd been so long since he tied up her hair or rather since she'd let him tie up her hair. However it may be, he didn't have the time to do so anymore, he'd bought her a better hair care set instead. Fenty. She loved it but she loved her hair in Josh's hands, he was even more delicate with her curls than she was.
Josh knew what a hassle it was for her in the morning especially when she slept without her bonnet or the weird socks she usually tied her hair in to sleep. She'd complain halfway while tying it up that her hands had given up
He swept her hair from the front to the back. "I left the sun and birds to do the waking up." He smiled at her through the mirror.
Brie's lips didn't curl up enough to form a smile. She was too stunned and revved up. His morning voice was lethal. A guilty pleasure like sugar, take too much of it and you fall sick and that was happening She didn't let her blush creep up her face or a smile pass her lips and just sipped on her cocoa, paying zero care to the hotness of it, the only thing hot was hee husband. She closed her eyes letting satisfaction run like warmth through her. He made her glass just as she liked with a dash of vanilla, she smiled against the mug.
Josh continued when she didn't respond. He was bent on getting them to talk. He needed her words, her smile, her laughter, anything at all that was Brielle's. He was already getting intoxicated standing close enough to inhale her delicate smell and the sweet coconut scent of her conditioner and he wasn't going to stop talking until she spoke.
He chuckled and Brie turned to look at him, a chuckle almost spilling out from her when she saw the red flush of his face.
She gave a half-suppressed laugh "What?"
He smiled further, his working hands came to a slow stand still, "you looked absolutely stunning last night." He fixed his eyes on her through the mirror. "You always do baby."
Brie's fingers pressed into her hot mug, she stole another sip, too hot to have been swallowed as quickly as she did.
"We should've come back here sooner." Josh continued. He secured the hair tie in her hair and came to stoop beside her, he touched her arm and Brie's insides couldn't stay still.
It wasn't her nerves, it was her red button blinking. A bit of her nerves too. Her beautiful husband had just tied her hair and blushed because he thought she looked stunning. Not that she specifically got dressed in anticipation that Josh would attend.
What if he didn't?
Disappointment at some point became a daily prescription that she never missed so it became one of those pills she just took without giving it a thought but Josh also.
Looking into the depth of his eyes she suddenly realized that her husband too had at some point been disappointed in her. She cut her eyes to her mug and pressed her lips together.
"We're the only ones in this room." She turned her head to glance at the door, anything to avoid the intensity of his gaze for fear he'd see what she was hiding from him and break him. She shifted in the dressing chair. "Mom and Suzie won't come in... " She paused, giving her next words a think through but going with them anyways. "You don't have to act like this Josh."
Pain passed in Josh's eyes and Brie had seen it too. His head fell between his shoulders.
"You..." He surrendered. His words had wrapped a wicked painful fist around his throat and wouldn't come out. "Brie you think I'm putting on a show?"
He brought his blue eyes to her warm own. He could see clearly. He could see her walls were coming up again brick upon brick.
Last night when she snuggled closer to him or sleepily pressed her lips to his, he'd thought he'd broken at least two boulders from her wall. But now he realized just how scared she was of his proximity. Of their intimacy. Even when they kissed in the cellar, Josh had tasted her fear and reluctance, so prominently, he had seen it in the stiffness of her shoulder and it only fueled his desperation to keep her pinned to the wall, to keep her safe and make her know she was safe with him. He'd disappointed her a lot, but he didn't know how cautious of him she had become.
Josh let his inhibitions rule him.
He sprang up and charged to the door and toggled it locked. Brie's eyes didn't leave his form, her belly formed a mix of anticipation and confusion.
In a stride, he was back to her, pulling her up to her feet, his strong arms around her waist, his eyes deep in hers.
Brie parted her lips.
Josh took the invite and crashed his lips down on hers. His desperation, his need to squash her doubt.
He kissed her deep and needy till she sagged against him and was breathless with desire.
She was flushed when he finally pulled away, her eyes searched his for some explanation.
He turned around, a hand in his hair, "did it feel like a show Brie?"
Not at all. Not even last night at the cellar. It should've been a show but it didn't feel like one. It had been so long since she'd tasted her husband's raw delicious desires.
Her feelings were not stable since she left their home and it got even more jumbled where she thought she'd gain some sanity but here he was, dissolving her resolve with that sweet, tempting mouth of his and his raw emotions on his sleeves. She didn't dream it, he'd actually came and held her like he used to all through the night. She wasn't sure of the vague memories of kisses and sweet nothings she'd heard or said last night but she knew he had sobbed quietly into her hair and said I love you countless times.
If she condoned her excesses any further, she'd never sort herself or their marriage out.
"Are you trying to sway me Josh?"
He spun around, his eyes looked moistened with tears. He opened his mouth then closed it again.
"Honestly, Yes Brielle." He scrubbed his face with his palm. "I am trying to sway you Brie." Josh held onto her shoulder, his eyes begging her, searching for an in. "I want to sway you Brielle. I need you back home baby." His hands slid down her shoulder to her hands and she watched him, her own pain welled up in her eyes. "I didn't come here for no wine, or meat. I came here for you Brie. I can't do without you." Josh pressed his lips into the back of her hands.
She tried to pull away but her heart strings pulled her in, closer to him until she hugged him, silencing her sobs on his chest. Josh's hand found her hair, rubbing softly on it.
"Can we not hurt ourselves Baby." Josh said after kissing her hair.
Her arms wrapped around him tighter. "I'm doing this for that purpose Joshy." She sniffled. "We need to do this." With that she pulled away ignoring the icy arms that stole her the moment she pulled away from Josh. "Don't you see how damaged we've become. We can't even look in each other's eyes Joshy..." She tapped under her eyes, "...that's what hurts the most. That I can't look at you. You're constantly walking on egg shells and I hate seeing that. We're hurting ourselves sweetheart that's why we need help."
"Brie..."
Josh reached for Brie but she took a step back, he dropped his hands to his side, pain searing inside him, the result evident in his throbbing head.
As hard as it was, she had to rip the flimsy band aid off. She couldn't continue harboring pain and resentment. The fact that those feelings were taking up her true feelings scared her the most. The negative feelings she got whenever she let herself go around him, the fear, all of it was crippling. She had allowed herself get broken.
She looked up from the floor to Josh. "It's hard my love. But we need this to save whatever is left"
Frustrated, Josh sucked in air. "Whoever said we needed fixing Brie."
"Don't we, Josh? Don't we need fixing?"
Her words fell flat on silence. Maybe she was wrong and her marriage needing fixing was something her mind made up, but no, even Josh knew it. She could see it in his eyes and hear it in his silence.
He reached out for her again, his voice broke in pieces. "Can't we stay together?" He put his tears aside "Brie for God sake I'm losing my damn mind." The floor felt like it was shaking and Josh swayed on his feet. The hurt in his chest went from a faint throb to a burning, glaring pain. His wife was not budging and his pushing wasn't good for her.
"I'm..." she sucked in a much needed breath for the revelation she was about to admit to. "... I'm losing my damn mind too Josh!"
Brie turned away from him in time to hide her tears another sign of how broken they were, she didn't even feel the need to show him her raw emotions.
She snatched a rolled up towel from her wardrobe then pushed her hands into her matching red bath robe. "I need time. We need time Josh." No longer Joshy.
She went for her phone not quite sure where on the bed it was, she rummaged the bed until she found it almost slipping off the small bed. For a moment she wondered how two people slept comfortably in the small bed, however, it was. It was possible as long as you cuddled. She suddenly felt sorry for Josh's sore and cramped arms.
She punched something on her phone.
Pushing down the metallic tang in her mouth, she ripped another band aid "Go back home Josh, please." She finally looked at him. Her heart aching for him.
"Oh god, Brie." It came off as a defeated whisper.
She forged ahead. "I'll come to town next week for our first session on Wednesday. I just sent you the address."
Brie snapped her eyes away from him, She plunked her phone and watched it bounce on the bed. She didn't risk another glance at him and walked stiffly to the door but Josh caught her arm in time.
"I got promoted Brie." His voice was loud and hard, a last attempt. A cheap one to keep her by his side.
Her eyes snapped to him. He'd been promoted. She knew the position he maintained before and knew what the next rank would be. She wasn't sure whether to smile in the midst of tense emotions or to act indifferent, anyhow, she cracked a smile. In all honesty she wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him he was the star in the office.
"That's-" she drawled for better words and drew closer to him. "- amazing darling." Her eyes softened as she smiled up at him then looked down at his hands, she flung her towel over her shoulder and held his hand. Her eyes welled up. "That's really good news Josh. You've always wanted that position." She tipped her toes and kissed his lips briefly.
A bit dissociated, Josh shifted in his stance. He could let go of the job and stay here with her if she wanted. He didn't like picking grapes or stomping them but he'd gladly do it for her. "I can quit you know."
Brie furrowed her brows. "And why would you?"
His hands covered hers. "I want to be with you. It's meaningless without you by my side Brie."
She slipped her hand out and covered his, tapping it lightly. "I will never let you do that sweetheart. This is your dream Josh, go for it." She was scolding with her eyes.
"Without you?"
She tapped his hand again "With or without me." Brie swallowed a boulder and slipped away from him again.
"Come to the cocktail next friday, I need you beside me. I need my wife." It wasn't enough for Josh, he wanted more time with her. "We could attend Candy's wedding together..."
Brie cast him a passive look.
He changed course "... it'll be a good cover. Candy is quite opinionated, you know."
"I'll attend your cocktail. How could I not?" She smiled up at him briefly then replaced with a scowl. "Go home Josh."
"Stop calling it home. It's sickening."
He didn't want to leave her side, he'd done that enough but if she was feeling frustrated with him around, he'll leave. He stole a deep kiss with her back against the door, before she dashed out of the room. She allowed it and she'd kissed him back, he didn't drink her in to his fill but he was content and more determined to fix whatever it was and do so quickly so he could have his wife back. Whatever it was, he hoped it wasn't so deep a wound, her eyes and her body language said otherwise but he'd always had faith in the love they shared.

Josh announced at breakfast that he'd be leaving at dusk to attend to some said work. He was going to swarm himself with work until their session. He wasn't a believer that they needed to sit and listen to some PHD holder talk about a relationship they knew nothing about, but it meant so much to Brie and he needed to be close to her to breathe, so he would do it, perhaps, there was something broken, maybe he knew it and just didn't want to believe that what they'd built and shared all these years had become something that needed fixing.
He'd stayed the rest of the day, spending each moment with her. They took a bike ride down the grove and picked grapes for her mother but none of them treaded on shaky grounds and just maintained light talk about weather and wine. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her how stunning she looked with the setting sun as her humble backdrop as they stomped on grapes in a wide barrel, he wanted to tell her how much the taste of warm wine from her mouth was his best kind of wine when she asked if he still enjoyed Pinot Noir.
How did she think his body wouldn't react to her grip on his torso especially with her palms flat against his abs
But no dangerous grounds.
As time went by, Brie dreaded his departure.
Afternoons in the grove usually passed slow but when she needed the drawling day, it sped along paying no mind to her pining.
She'd be mindless to ask him to stay.
He'd taken her hand in his and rode a bike with her behind him, her arms secured around his torso. She gasped when her hands felt his hard abs partition. One would think his sedentary lifestyle would give him a bulge but even with his busy lifestyle, he made early morning trips to the gym.
She felt like a young highschool girl riding with her boyfriend. It made her heart flutter in her chest and she almost chuckled.
She fell in love with him for the first time by his looks then when he spoke, she knew she was hooked and he had hooked her again with the way he spoke of wine.
She didn't like the reluctance his words came with but, she, like him was treading on safe grounds. The moment was too precious to ruin and it was a moment that both of them didn't even know they missed. A moment of shared intimacy, not sex. She would've believed it was all for show if she hadn't known how fast his heart was beating or the mix of pain and joy in his eyes throughout the day.
Feel my love. Some things are meant to be felt. Not seen.
And Brie had felt his love for her, from her head to the base of her feet.
He felt her love too. When she rested his head on his back as they rode, her chest pressed flush against him, he could tell he wasn't the only one who had his heart in a frenzy.
He was convinced that whatever it was they could fix it. Their hearts still beat for each other and their souls still merge everytime they touch or see each other.
She drove him to the airport, the way tortuous for her longs. She allowed him hold her hand as she drove and each time he pressed a wet kiss to the back of her hand and the inside of her palm, her stomach lurched and then butterflies sprang forth shamelessly.
She'd been the one to kiss him deep and long at the airport, he'd almost stumbled trying to take in as much of her as he could before he departed.
They'd both whispered I love you to each other.
It was a hard decision for the both of them but they came to an understanding. Josh knew truly that they had both dealt a blow to what they once treasured and it had taken them a close call to realize it was all slipping out of their hands.
So now they had to put it in the hands of one Linda Stewart and as he'd expected she was a PHD holder but he was a man that'd failed to love his wife right and he'd humbly take a lesson or two.