The Ghost of You

Chapter 8 - Cai's POV

She was rarely late to a lesson. I think during the 6 months I had known her, she had only been late once - and that was the day I first heard her sing. But today, she was over twenty minutes late.

Mr Colin carried on his lesson like normal but I couldn't focus without Saahar being there. The seat next to her was so empty it felt like she had never existed. I didn't know how to act in a lesson when she wasn't there. I looked around at my other classmates who were also oblivious to the big absence in the room,

She's just a girl, Cai. Why did it matter if she wasn't there? You don't just come to a lesson for her. Do you?

In every other lesson where she wasn't right next to me, I didn't care about my other classmates. But, in a lesson with Saahar, I was so conscious of the people around me. Well, not all people, just her. This reminded me of one of Rio's rules. 

When I moved to England, my biggest fear was dealing with the cultural difference between English schools, and Spanish schools. Even though he was homeschooled, he believed that the two years his parents allowed him to attend school provided him with enough knowledge on how to succeed in school.  Rio created a list of rules he called "Rio's Rules for Surviving English School". All of the rules were ridiculous. In this particular moment, one rule stuck out: 

RULES NO.5 - Never fall for a girl in your class

According to Rio, falling in love with a girl you had a lesson with was the most dangerous type of love. Especially for our age - the only thing we should be thinking about when going to lessons is our education. But, when you're in love with someone in your lesson, you care more about learning about that person than the content on the board.

Like most of his rules, it seemed like a dumb thing to say. Rio has never been in love. He has liked a girl before but that's all it was - a crush. He thinks he fell for her but after he slept with her and broke up with her because he realised she wasn't his type, he only said he was in love with her because he would never lose his virginity to a girl he didn't love. 

The only reason they slept together was because he was desperate. All of his cousins that lived in England were older meaning they had more mature stories to tell than he did. So, when he didn't have an appropriate story to tell them, he went and found one.

However, when he had to keep seeing her in class, where she'd compare every stationary item in her pencil case to his penis, he created the lesson of never falling in 'love ' with a girl you have a class with.

At seventeen, some people would think I wouldn't know what love means but I did. Hence why I was scared the first time I saw Saahar. Nothing scared me more than Saahar. The power she had over my mind was stronger than any threat the Bruja had over me.

But I couldn't admit I was in love with her - I didn't even know her. The version I had of her wasn't a version I could confirm since she hated me. I wanted to know her but she would never allow me. Because of that, I couldn't tell if what I was feeling was love or lust. I knew I couldn't have her, but I wanted her. Knowing Bruja would be angry if I ever tried anything with a Dawson was something that excited me, which was one of the reasons why my feelings could be lust.

But I didn't want to be with Saahar to annoy Bruja. I knew the consequence our relationship would have on her too, and the thought of her getting hurt because of my tricks weakened me. The thought of anyone hurting her angered me. 

The thought of not seeing her every day weakened me. 

The thought of not hearing her voice, knowing what she was thinking, knowing where she was weakened me. 

That's why I knew it was love. The feelings were stronger than what I first thought love was.

So with her being late to the lesson, my heart ached. What was wrong with her? Where was she? I leaned forward on my desk as my leg continued to shake anxiously. The clock had never gone so slowly.