The Ghost of You

Chapter 16 - Saahar's POV

Everyone always talks about what it's like to have siblings. People with siblings have a superiority complex over people who are only children.

They say there's nothing like having someone who's not only related to you, but is a build in best friend.

People who are an only child always wonder what it's like to have a sibling, whilst people with siblings wonder what it's like to be an only child. But, no one every wonders what it's like to have a sibling then have to live the rest of your life as an only child. I had mourned my brother almost longer than I had known him.

Hakeem was two years older than me. Before I had Hadley and Lola, I had Hakeem. He was my best friend, he was my favourite person on the earth.

Not only was he mine, he was my father's too. When Hakeen was alive, my father rarely noticed me - he had his son, his heir, so there was no reason for him to notice me. Because he didn't, I had freedom to do what I wanted hence why I was allowed to play as much instruments as I wanted. However, when Hakeem died, my father finally realised he had two kids, not one.

While I always wondered what it'll be like for him to finally notice me, I hated the reason why he did. He only saw me as Hakeem's replacement, not his daughter. While most people celebrated Hakeem's life, referring to him as a heroic brother, my father was angry at him for saving me. That's what I always thought. That's what I knew.

Because of that, I knew my father's controlling behaviour wasn't because he was protective, but because he resented me. Like I nah heard him say a few months after Hakeen died, the wrong child died in that fire. But, he never knew I heard that, neither did my mother. I never wanted them to know I heard that because I knew he'd say he didn't mean it when he did.

So, whenever I was stuck in a room alone with him, I didn't know how to act. I was always scared to speak in front of him. Scared that I'd annoy him. Scared that I'd disappoint him. Scared he'd say it to my face.

That morning, when I entered the kitchen hoping to make breakfast before school, I was scared to find my father there alone. He was leaning on the counter while quickly drinking a cup of coffee. In his right hand he held his dreaded work Ipad, furiously scrolling through his emails.

When he noticed me he nodded his head to acknowledge me. "Daughter" he sighed.

"Morning, Abba" I greeted, quietly. I smiled awkwardly before walking over to the fridge. As I opened it, I looked down to see Amay circling my leg. I bent down to stroke his back and he purred loudly.

"Your mother said you went out with your friends on Saturday?" my father questioned. As usual, he didn't face me when he spoke to me. Most of the time, I was speaking to his back.

"Uh, yeah" I pondered, "I know I'm grounded, I'm sorry".

"No, it's fine" he accepted. He then walked over to the sink before putting his mug inside it. After he washed his hands he turned around to face me with his arms crossed. Then for once, he actually looked me in the eye.

"She says you've been having a hard time?" he sighed.

I was. I always was. Because of him. But I couldn't tell him that. Even if I did I knew how he'd react. He'd say it's my fault. He'd say that I take things too seriously and need to grow up. He'd blame me because in his eyes he could never do anything wrong. He gave me things that loads of people my age weren't lucky to have so how could I blame him for anything?

"I'm fine" I lied, turning my attention baack to my cat.

"Don't make things hard for us, Saahara" he complained, "You know your mother and I are both very busy people, we don't have time for your games".